LQgirls

Because I said I would

2007-03-28T03:50:00.000-03:00

A short word on appearances. This year, for Lent, I decided to give up anxiety. Now, at first I was foolish enough to believe that I could give the thing up entirely -- at least, that it was possible. I had no doubt that I would myself break this "fast" (I am, especially not lately, very good with things of discipline), but I did think that it was possible.

I'm now coming to realize that anxiety is not necessarily by nature bad, to be avoided, or "given up" entirely. But what I've seen in the 30-odd days of Lent so far this year is that I do not have to be terrorized by it.

Someone once said within my earshot that anxiety is a good thing because it motivates you to get things done. This has not been my experience. Take my taxes, for example. I hate taxes. Not because I dislike the government, or because I don't like math, or because I am expecting to have to pay lots and lots of money (I'm actually expecting to get lots and lots back). I just hate doing my taxes. It's just one of those things.

So something that I am anxious about, is that I haven't yet done my taxes for 2006... or for 2005. But does this help me to get them done? It hasn't yet.

What Lent seems to have helped me with this year is to be Aware of the things that I am anxious about. When I am in thoughtful mode, and I start to get anxious, what I've learned to do is stop and think about what my body is reacting to. Sometimes there is a good reason behind my anxious feelings, and so I try and pay attention to what is going on, and make good decisions to so that I take care of myself, or others, depending on the situation. (The key word is "try", even though sometimes I don't try very hard.) Once I've done what I can to alieviate the situation I can be confident that I don't need those anxious feelings, and I can put them to rest. Other times I am being anxious for no good reason, and my worries are a non-issue. In these cases, I can also put those anxious thoughts and feelings to rest, because I've thought it through and I don't need them.

I said I was going to talk about appearances. Being mindful about what makes me anxious has shown me how concerned I am with appearances. I used to say that I didn't care what people thought of me. I said that because I thought that my friends and the rest of the world would look down on me if I did care. Slightly ironic, eh? Don't get me wrong, I don't LIKE to care about what people think. It's one of those annoying habits I can't get rid of. It sucks because it sometimes stops me from posting on blogs, and makes me aware of what I put on my profile on Facebook. Today when I was at home (sick) & napping I had stress dreams about Facebook and all the pictures that my friends from high school were posting about how cool they were.

One great thing about Lent is that 40 days is long enough that once it is done, you don't necessarily have to go back to your "normal" way of life. When I gave up chocolate one year, once Lent was over I didn't eat nearly as much of the stuff once it was over. I am trusting that being aware of my anxiousness will have rooted itself at least somewhat in my silly self over these weeks, so that in general I can put this good habit into practice.

And perhaps next year for Lent I will give up caring what other people think.

Christmas in Busan

2007-01-04T03:02:00.000-04:00

Shall I start my own blog? I realize I didn't add much that often last year, but Zoe and Susana if you're out there - would love to hear what you're up to! I'm so curiousssss.....

Christmas in Busan - would you like to hear a recap?

I have to say that Christmas in Korea revealed just how much of the holiday, usually isn't about Jesus for me. wow! I know, I was shocked. I always thought I enjoyed celebrating His birth and that for me, he WAS the reason for the season. This year spent away from family, friends and the host of other 'non-essentials' of the 'Christmas Holiday' showed me just how important those "other things" were. What I discovered Christmas really meant for me:

1. Family holiday - living away from 'home' or at least my birthplace, parents, and extended family for the last 8 (!!?!) years, I've come to treasure those moments with the people who literally raised me and were significant in my everyday life as a youngin and teenager. Now, you are all persistently significant, but geography gets in the way so I love the days and (when we're lucky!) weeks that we get to spend with each other again. Christmas and Summer are the two special times I usually indulged in these friendships again face-to-face. Fortunately, I have some wonderful friends who sent me an incredible care package, with a fantastic powerpoint presentation. Complete with music and recorded messages. I have to say you made my season! I'm also grateful for the old fashioned telephone and great telecommunications rates so I can stay current with my family over the wire!

2. Food - I was shocked to come home empty handed when I went on a shopping hunt for candy canes. I assumed the Dollar Store would have them as (I would have thought) they were made in China and shipped to Canada like everything else in the store. So why not Korea?? None of the other major stores had them either!! I was shocked...absolutely shocked. How would I explain Christmas to my classes without Candycanes?? An essential item, I realized.

Sugar cookies - I gave up making them too as baking supplies are so expensive here.

3. Carols - granted, we heard some in the usual westernized locales: coffeeshops (Starbucks being right on schedule immediately playing them post-Halloween!), major shopping stores, etc. But I do miss singing a host of the advent tunes in church. This year, we did enjoy advent tunes, but only one or two per service - and even that was pulling teeth I heard! I have no idea why Koreans aren't into the advent tunes....

4. Lights! - there are a few up now again around the commercial stores, but nobody decorates their homes like back home. Apparently the recession has a lot to do with it, as the government was urging its citizens to conserve on Christmas decorations (at least they did at gov't buildings). I had no idea how 'out of control' our concept of Christmas decorations has gotten in North America.

Now for the Random Observations on the Meaning of Christmas in Korea:
1. Commercialism - Now this isn't a value of mine, but one thing I saw being here was that Christmas was primarily a commercial holiday, just like back home. Apart from church, that is. There are two ways to celebrate Christmas here: 1) it's Christ's birthday, so you go to church on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day, or 2) it's a romantic holiday and you buy something for that special someone or go out on a fabulous date Christmas eve.

Japan Mini-Break

2006-12-19T09:56:00.000-04:00

So I was grumbling last week about the necessity of going to Japan for a Visa Run. But, once I got there I realized what a fantastic excuse it was to have a mini-break in a cultural mecca. I'd been there once before, but hid out at a local friend's for fear of spending too much money I didn't have. This time, I spent one night in a downtown business hotel (and now regret having saved $5 by staying in the Comfort Inn instead of splurging for the Ryakin -traditional Japanese Inn). Next time, I hope!

Saw some fabulous sites:
- Fukuoka Tower
- Momochi beach (first spot I went - have to say I love the beach!)
- incredible architecture...everywhere!
- HMV/Hard Rock Cafe - 1st thing after getting off the bus. Can you believe it?! (global village, alright)
- Huge hairdos (both guys and gals)
- Japanese Fashion culture - very trendy, 'pretty', and somewhat 50's style with the modern edge...would have sprung for a new wardrobe had I been working full time the last few months

The highlight of the trip? An afternoon well spent at the Fukuoka Asian Art Museum. Incredible thought-provoking, social commentaries by Philipino artist Alfredo D. Esquillo. Especially his work "Image for Mass Consumption" (1998). Will write more on that later!

Korea 101

2006-12-11T09:48:00.000-04:00

After being in Busan for 4 months I now feel like I have enough history here to start making somewhat accurate observations about the place... observations that I"m sure to laugh at in a few months when I gain a deeper sense of what's truly going on... but at least I've been here long enough that I've stopped seeing everything as charming. The rose-coloured glasses are coming off and here's what I honestly think:

You know you're in Korea when....
- you're looking around for the roll of toilet paper that should be on the table
- you check the road before you cross the street at the crosswalk to make sure the vehicles have really stopped (and there's no scooter coming), and once you get to the sidewalk you check the sidewalk to make sure there's no scooter coming on the sidewalk.
- you hear a horn blaring behind you - aha! the scooter on the sidewalk
- your daily entertainment becomes reading store signs in Konglish on your way to work (I'll try to take a picture of some good ones!)
- you forget how to perch above a public toilet seat (the hole in the ground is oh-so-much-more practical)
- you pay the same amount of $$ for a Starbucks coffee as you do for an entire dinner (entree & side dishes - $4)
- instead of waiting for the bus, b/c it's too cold!, you take a taxi with your friend... 10 minutes away = $4.
- although it's a sunny day, you complain it's too cold to be outside and spend the precious daylight hours overlooking the beach from Starbucks (temp: )...you weren't wearing a hat or mitts, only the jacket you wore in Canada on a late June evening.
- you work out halfway up mountain in an outdoor gym
- you've stopped trying to learn the local language cause everyone wants to speak English to you anyways (bah humbug!)
- you start looking especially for the seaweed soup
- chopsticks work better than a fork, anyways
- you're horribly underdressed in a pair of smart jeans and a shirt - you swear you're on the catwalk in NY (not just outside, on a Tuesday?)
- when being introduced to someone for the first time, you cut to the chase and volunteer: I'm 27, I'm not married, and I'm Canadian.
- if you only had a dollar for everytime you were asked: when are you getting married?/why aren't you married? !!!

this list is rather short...will have to add to it...unfortunately I can't always remember all those things I love (or chuckle over) when I go to write about them. Will take notes.

Far and Away

2006-12-07T05:05:00.000-04:00

Who can tell me where I stole this title from? It sounds awfully familiar! ;)

So I went to Masan today to visit my chiropractor - an unscheduled visit after waking up at 1am with tingling in both my hands and my toes. I have to say I freaked out a little when I realized that's what had woken me up b/c it's not a good sign, generally speaking. But after praying and asking God to minister His grace and continue to heal my disc, I finally went back to sleep. I hopped a bus a little later than usual, and got to Masan mid-morning. The treatment was a relief: 15 minutes in a warm sand bed (truly!), 10 minutes on a massage table, 5 minutes hanging upside down (on an angled bed!)...and no, it isn't torture, it truly is therapy. :) Then the adjustment, which lasted probably another 20-30 minutes. Top it off with a lie-down in between warm pads...and a deep-sleep nap for ...oops! an hour?! and I call that a good time at the chiropractor's. And now I feel a whole lot better...with hardly a reminder of the discomfort from the night before.

Just before I left, my chiropractor kindly asked if I was homesick. Man! He hit the nail on the head. He'd had to adjust all the usual stress-absorbers: neck, shoulders, back. I realized then that's why I was so stressed out...fighting feelings of homesickness, and insecurity about starting my new job...

Additionally, the feelings of homesickness are compounded by that ever-current question since I 'moved out' 8 years ago: "Where's home?" Home has to be where I currently am, that's the only way to stay sane. However, there are times when the longing to see and to hug people from another home are keenly felt...and I'm so aware that I'm truly 'a stranger on this earth, just passing through'. Truly longing for Home.

And so I sigh, relieved to have a moment of feeling terribly human, and ask for His comfort and embrace, and grace. Strangely I can rest in this place...and discover the rest of my day is filled with laughter and joy that only He can bring.

I'm surprised again.

Aha!

2006-11-26T09:36:00.000-04:00

I've finally figured it out again - how to post. Wanting to leave a comment on Ruth's blog drove me to remember my sign-on id.

So life in Korea! It's interesting. I've been here long enough to notice some very strange things about the country as well as the characteristics I love. I'll share them with you in the next blog though cause it's late and my eyes are going bonkers from staring at the screen for so long.

At any rate, the real news is I've hit the 3.5 month marker and I'm homesick. It's hit; I'm past the honeymoon phase and not everything about this country is dandy. I've also had to realize that I'm signing a new contract and may not be back in August... most likely next December. argh, that seems a long ways away.

For now, I'm praying about which contract to sign and as per Christy usual making it an incredibly important 'spiritual' decision... maybe the last time I went through such emotional upheaval was my one and only romantic break-up several years ago.

Funny note on that - I've discovered that it never pays to run from your fears. One factor in coming to Korea was avoiding being in a city rubbing shoulders with my ex' - (and I'm seriously thinking of dating again just to avoid him being the ex of mythical proportions that he is now!)... anyways, the conversation that I'd always feared having in Halifax but never did - hit me here in Busan, S. Korea of all places, about a month ago!

"Hey, who do you know in St. Stephens?
...What did you say your name was?
Are you his ex-fiance?"... 5 years later!

Absurd.

Life, isn't it?

Reason #102

2006-08-22T07:32:00.001-03:00

I'd almost forgotten! There is another reason I thought I was in the right place...upon hearing that when a President (sorry I do forget which one) came to Korea, he was treated to a famous spam sandwich. That's right - spam is considered as one of the most popular food items here. Zoe sent me a great article about a restaurant in the Philippines that sells only spam. Theirs isn't the canned variety, but here, the very same Spam in a Can goes fast!

ciao,

Christy

I think I am Alergic to Work: a short post

2006-08-18T21:37:00.000-03:00

It's friday afternoon, my second day back to work from a vacation, and *ugh* I am feeling like crap. My throat is sore, I am tired, and I have to stay for another half an hour. :(

This makes me think that I MUST be allergic to work, because the day before I went on my vacation (home to Alberta for a week) the *EXACT* same thing happened. About noon, my throat started to hurt and it got progressively worse until it was time to leave.

Thankfully it is the weekend, and although I will be sleeping outside (camping: yipee!!), I hope to drink lots of tea and sit in the sun and read my book until I feel better.

A short post for a change, that's all for now.

Z.

p.s. will try and post some pics from camping if I get any gooders

I'm Alive ;)

2006-08-17T00:59:00.001-03:00

I've finally found a strategy for how to get time to blog while my computer's on the fritz! My apologies for the lack of communication from the last couple of weeks. To say they were a tad busy would be a gynormous understatement. And my first week in Korea passed in a blur of strange language, spicy food (but delicious!), and the strange 'where am I and where am I going?' blur of the city. However, it wasn't at all bad - within my first 24 hours of landing in Korea I knew I was in the right place.

In fact, my first blog was going to be: 101 reasons I love Korea
1. They have beaches!
2. They have motorcycles!
3. I went to the beach.
4. I rode a motorcycle (twice in my first 24 hours...thanks to Kristan, my colleague/neighbour).
5. They have the Pacific ocean.
6. It's August, I'm at the beach, and I'm swimming in the Pacific ocean.
7. They have gorgeous forrested mountains.
8. They have Mexican food (if Korean food isn't spicy enough for you...which it isn't, compared to Mexican!)
9. I love the food.
10. I love the people - they're generous, friendly, drop-dead gorgeous (both the girls and the guys)...
101. They love noribongs! (karaoke)

My second post was going to be: Reasons why I Know our God is a Great God!
1. My first day here was Sunday and I went to the beach as I didn't have time yet to find the English-speaking church. I was praying though that God would lead me to His people sometime soon... well, even though I 'missed' church He brought church to me. While swimming (or bobbing as the Koreans do in their inner tubes and life jackets) I met a Korean man, old enough to be my father. He started talking to me in English, asking me where I was from etc. It turns out He's a Pastor of a local church...He started telling me his life story, his conversion story... He's a real evangelist. Then, it turns out, he's a Navigator! wow, small world. He offers to pray for me, in Korean, and I say, please do! What a privilege. These are a praying people.

2. I was asking God for an 'oni' - big sister, Korean. God provided! I fast became friends with a colleague, Kate, who is a Korean English teacher hired just before I. She's invited me out to meet with her friends, go dancing, go to the river on the national holiday, etc. etc. She's great! We're having a fantastic time; convenienty we're both single... so now on the hunt! ;) just kidding.

On the serious note - please pray that God keeps me focused on Him as the foreign culture here is a HUGE party scene...and it's so normal for the foreign teachers to hook up in all senses of the word. What hasn't been a temptation for so long (especially in Halifax) is looking like it now... so prayers for purity of thought are good. Thanks!

Hugs to you all!! Come visit at any time - this place is literally paradise.

With love from Busan
Christy

Muskoka Magic

2006-07-19T00:00:00.000-03:00

Salut mes amis,

I'm enjoying the solitude and paradise of Muskoka - not 'The Muskokas' as tourists like to call it.
Muskoka. The township of Muskoka.
which includes Muskoka lake, Lake Joe, Lake Rosseau...the Muskoka lakes...hence the confusion.

Now that the introduction is over, let me dive into descriptions -
Most Beloved Icon - the Muskoka Chair
Motorcyclists' Paradise, ditto for any extreme sport including wheelchair skating, wakeboarding, waterskiing, water polo, sun tanning (yes - it IS an extreme sport if your name is Kilpatrick)
and loads and loads of lakes and all such manner of fun people like to have with water
Incredible sunsets - imagine backdrops from Hook of a sweeping view of the bay plus an island at sunset

Here for a month, I'm now finding after two weeks that I don't mind it really, and there ARE an awful lot of fun things to do here, outdoorsy types of things. Too bad I'm distracted by unfinished paperwork and details of leaving the country...

which brings me to my newest announcement: I'm off to Korea!
South Korea that is, the furthest south I can get from North Korea actually and still be on the mainland.
Busan is where my new home will be, another port city :) Hopefully I'll get to go sailing here since I missed the opportunity in Halifax.
Date of Departure: August 4th

I'll keep you posted!
(haha)

I almost forgot about blogging

2006-06-16T02:31:00.000-03:00

Okay, so the title of this post isn't entirely true, but it has been a while. For all of us. (Christy, you did post not too long ago, but you've had so many interesting things happening which you haven't even mentioned so I feel that you are not exempt.)

Yes, it's true that I haven't been blogging lately, but thankfully I do have the ever-present backup excuse of being "busy". [As a side note, in Vancouver (or any big city really), you don't really have to be busy yourself to be able to use this excuse, but simply by virtue of being steeped in the ever-present busy-iness that IS this city, you inherit it. It's one of the many benefits of living in a big city which I am uncovering. (Slight tongue-in-cheek here.)]

In all seriousness, I have been busy. Surprisingly so, given a wierd quasi-lethargy (some may call it laziness) which I somehow adopted somewhere between my bouncy ever-active high-school self and the self I call my own these days. Perhaps it is a returning to the old, coming full circle, or, as Keats would put it (some of you may remember if from the Enigma song too), a return to innocence. Or perhaps I am over-dramatizing and I am just deciding to be more active.

In any case I have found myself running off my feet in the last weeks. Having volunteered myself to help coordinate summer social activities at our church, I am writing endless emails, and making up posters and sign up sheets; one event isn't even started before 3 others need to be ramping up. I've also signed up as a volunteer kayaker with an adventure therapy organization, and have been playing Ultimate frizbee once a week, and volleyball twice a week at work. On top of my 50 hours a week of work+commuting. I'm very excited to be doing all of these things, so I hope I don't sound like I am complaining.

It is also my birthday tomorrow (Hooray!!) and I am going to be TWENTY-FIVE! I am actually quite excited about turning 25, I don't really like the number 24, and it wasn't that great of a year anyways. For my birthday I'm hosting a "non-BBQ" in the back common area of my apartment. (We are not allowed to barbeque on the patio, so I am cooking burgers inside & bringing them out.) Hopefully I'll get some good pics to post. It looks like a whole wack of great people are coming, so it promises to be a good time.

In other news I've finally got to getting my new camera (woohoo!) hooked up to my computer. Yes, it really doesn't take that much effort. I'm just slow. So I've got a few pictures of my new place & for those who haven't seen it yet. Here are some:

The "living" area

My eating table / study corner

The (gas) fireplace -- yes, it works!!!

The kitchen (gas stove too!) -- note the worm composter under the kitchen table :)

Last, but noy least the bathroom -- you can't see it, but that's a clawfoot tub & funky-tiled floor. :)

The couch in the living room shot is definitley a futon. And definitely sleep-able. Doesn't it make you all want to come visit?

Up Up & Away

2006-05-26T21:46:00.000-03:00

Greetings Earthlings. In Celebration of it being National Towel Day (I can't believe I forgot to take my towel to work!!! It would have come in handy too soaking up all that rain on our newly stained pool deck.) I think I'm going to find a lovely quote from the latest Douglas Adams brilliancy I'm digesting The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul.

One example of why I love his writing:
What he needed, he thought, was a client. Please, God, he thought, if there is a god, any god, bring me a client. Just a simple client, the simpler the better. Credulous and rich. Someone like that chap yesterday. He tapped his fingers on the table.

The problem was that the more credulous the client, the more Dirk fell foul at the end of his own better nature, which was constantly rearing up and embarrassing him at the most inopportune moments. Dirk frequently threatened to hurl his better nature to the ground and kneel on its windpipe, but it usually managed to get the better of him by dressing itself up as guilt and self-loathing, in which guise it could throw him right out of the ring.

So there you have it, a little D.Adams humour. Happy Towel Day!

On another note, Zoe I've been thinking of you quite frequently this week as I'm painting. Thinking how much my new employer would love it and how fun it would be had this year been last year and we'd found work painting together. Although, I do remember that idea crossed our minds and we thought it a little dangerous to work so closely together - especially knowing your skill at management and my slightly slower pace when it comes to painting. I'm going to need to speed that pace up if I'm going to take advantage of being paid $12/hr. It amazes me that pay can vary so widely here in NS. Last fall I found a fun, challenging job as a retail sales clerk with the ship industry (lots of interesting customers from EUROPE and the STATES, particular Polish men that called me sweetheart and ladies & gents who complained we only had XXX size shirts, not XXXX). Thing was, it only paid $7/hr (ouch!) so that was impossible to return to this spring. Well, after a little searching (ok,3 weeks of trial and error in various employment areas) I remembered I had painted last summer and lo and behold I hit gold. Call backs all weekend (of course, the long weekend) so finally called them back Tuesday and began work Wednesday.

Tuesday I had a minor day of telling God I'd hit the despair level regarding lack of work, and that I really needed him to do something about it. Well, that something turned out to be that EmployeeX didn't show up to work Wednesday morning so I was called in to replace him. Thanks, God (not blithely, but in deep appreciation). Whatever happened to EmployeeX? Turns out, he had work elsewhere anyways. And he didn't like having rain days.

I love rain days. Having only worked two days this week, I really enjoyed my time off this afternoon. Time off being the nap I let myself take, falling asleep anyways reading the Painters Manual. 143 pages of details on the fine art of exterior/interior painting! Sleep was destined to come.

Well folks, finally some pictures of Europe. I was going to wait until I'd found the perfect one, but camera troubles are about, so here's a random one. More to come, stay tuned.

And, to Susana, an EXTREMELY LATE Happy Birthday!! With this year being so different from last, the day passed too fast and before I realized what day it actually was. Hope you had at least a couple of moments to yourself. Did you eat cake, and I mean really bite into it? Any good photos? Any shenanigans to rival Zoe's episode with Pastor Joel? Do share, do share. Or maybe you had a little more civilized a time, considering this is your 25th! (Any panic attacks? or just enjoyment?)

At any rate, cheers for now. Love hearing of your antics, you gals.

homecomings

2006-05-23T02:44:00.000-03:00

So i just got back from a weekend away to the ol' Alberta. Yep, back to the home country for May Long. (Or, as some of the boys used to call it May 2-4 -- not because it usually (always?) falls on the 24th, but because it isn't uncommon to drink at least a 2-4 (24 pack of beer) over the course of the weekend.)

Having grown up there, heading to Alberta was, of course, a homecoming. And this was true even though my destination was Edmonton -- a city i have spent a sum total of less than 10 days in. I was there visiting a couple of very good friends from waaaaay back (i.e. high school) Taylor (aka Jen Taylor) and Lisa. It was a great low-key Albertan long weekend: sleeping in, staying up late (yes, with a little bit of booze), watching hockey, going to shows, going to the art gallery, hitting the lake, shopping in funky downtown shops, eating, eating out, eating out some more, enjoying that Albertan sun. Yeah, it was good. And especially good to hang out with the girls and just be together.

When there I had a few thoughts about this "home" country of cattle and oil and privatized health care, and how it is so different from this new home - Vancouver. So I'll share a couple. One I realized in the airport in talking with another Edmontonion-come-Vancouverite. And that is that virtually EVERYONE is white. Ok, so it wasn't totally true. I was actually impressed by the ethnic diversity I saw there, but there were a lot more white people than here in Vancouver.

Another thing that really struck me was how much more relaxed the Albertan city was about their dress. No one seemed overly made up, or even aware of what other people thought of their ensemble. Personally, I really appreciate this. For one, I like to be able to walk down the street and not feel like I am in the midst of a fashion show. And it makes people SO much more approachable. Doesn't it? I do like dressing up myself, but don't like feeling as if I have to. As if I won't fit in unless I do. As if I have to take a shower and put on something nice before I leave the house, even to go to the grocery store.

But though there are parts of Vancouver that frustrate me, I have to say that there were actually a couple of times during my trip that I caught myself thinking of my apartment here in Vancouver and missing it. And (this actually quite impressive given how I have felt about Vancouver in the past months), I didn't have a single sinking feeling in my stomach in the airport on my way back here. When I arrived, a cool 14 degree rain welcomed me, and I actually appreciated it; like heading back AB for the weekend, coming off the plane into Vancouver almost felt like a real homecoming too.

Am I allowed to have more than one city as home? More than one province even? (And if I wasn't, who would have made the rule to disallow, and do they enforce it?) Share your thoughts.

A brief 'whats up'

2006-05-21T23:50:00.000-03:00

This should pretty much become the Zoe blog. I'm going to blame or credit that to her job. She is constantly on a computer. I would write more but the truth of the matter is I'm so confused about my life that I don't know where to begin. And my life is so different and busy I just don't look at everything from the satire perspective that I use to. So, I can't write the funny things I use to. I feel like I work so much and nothing much ever gets accomplished and I'm beginning to go through life like a zombie. But, I'm not bitter yet. Once I get bitter, I know I have a major problem. The good news is I have to go to a wedding in June in Manitoba so I will be able to remove myself from this world for a while.
Alright, that is super depressing. Don't worry, just getting it out of my system. I should probably start a diary. That might help me organize my thoughts.

mmmmm squid

2006-05-19T14:20:00.000-03:00

so this is a super-short post in which i will tag (is that correct blogcabulary?) melanie's blog in which she posted (with awesome pictures!) about our trip to Shabusen. This place is a fantastic all-you-can-eat sushi & korean barbeque place where we went for her soon-to-be birthday. It was *really* great food, and a super-cool experience because we ordered lots of funky-interesting food and got to use an open grill in the center of the table to cook it ourselves!

Platinum Blonde: look for today's (Friday May 19th) post.

it was lots of fun, and definitely well worth checking out.

z.

p.s. I'm getting a digitial camera!! M. got a new one from Nathan (hubby) for her birthday, so she is donating her old one to me! Yay for posting pictures on the blog!! Thanks Melanie!

i love summer

2006-05-17T02:33:00.000-03:00

I was going to write a short post entitled "going to bed early" which was simply going to state that instead of blogging I was going to choose to go to bed early. (This was going to be a *good* decision.) But I thought that would probably be entirely un-interesting.

So instead I'll talk about the AMAZINGLY GORGEOUS day we had today in Vancouver. Oh my goodness. I don't care what day is the official first day of summer, today was *DEFINITELY* it in my mind. Today was the kind of day that as soon as the breath of outside air hits your face you know by the perfect temperature, and by the distinct smell of grass mixed with several indistinguishable sweet smells hitting your nose-buds (are there such things??), that summer has most definitely arrived.

Standing at the bus stop instead of wanting to stand in the sun to soak up all the rays I could, I wanted to stand in the shade to keep cool. When I got home and hopped into the shower my arms told me that summer was here too -- as the water hit them they felt a little tight. And when I looked at them they were definitely more red below where my t-shirt sleeve hung. I can tell that summer has arrived too because my eyes have that slightly streched feeling that they get when they have seen much of the sun.

I love these new-old feelings. They remind me of hot days and cold drinks, of camping and summer holidays and swimming at the beach. I can't wait.

hard to concentrate

2006-05-12T20:04:00.000-03:00

I'm finding it a little hard to concentrate today. So, as it was pointed out to me earlier in the day that it has been 2 weeks since I last posted, I thought that since I'm not getting any work done, I may as well do something about it.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to write about so I surfed some of my fave blogs for some inspiration. I found myself at the Abarbablog. Their blog is great, and if you haven't ever been, it's well worth the visit (I am sure that I have recommended it before). Anyways, I must admit that it has been a while since I've been there (sorry Katelyn) but one post that caught my eye -- mainly because of it's title -- was this one. God. It was written by Ron, who in many ways I look to as a kind of spiritual father-figure. And with this post I remembered why I look up to him so much. One thing that I admire about Ron is that he practices honesty towards God: frustration, anger, whatever. (Ok, so he wasn't being particularly pissy with God in this post at all, but he was honest.)

He wrote about waiting on God, and his words (and the words of the Big Book that he quoted) pierced me as nothing but clean, honest truth can do.

Hearing people's honesty with God and with themselves always makes me inspired to do the same. I guess you could say that I am frustrated with God right now. Why? Well partly because I am finding it so hard to concentrate today. Partly because I am frustrated with the father he's given me. And partly because I don't feel like he has been a particularly present father to me himself lately. (Whatever happened to omnipresent?) I feel a bit bad about complaining, but then I remember what my old officemate said to me once that complaining (i think he used another word that started with a 'b') helps you to articulate what you are feeling. So, sorry, but I gotta vent.

Really though, where IS God when he's not present. WHY does he have to be so distant?? Sigh. I think that if I were really honest, I would probably end up in a heap of frustrated tears on the floor. Thank goodness for social norms and office etiquette, for your sake I'm staying right here in my chair.

But I know I can't stay in this place of complaining. It's good to be honest about one's feelings, but you've also got other things to do. For example, as Isaiah pointed out "There is a lot of celebrating that can happen in the waiting." So this is my new task for the day (work apparently is being put on hold for a bit): Find a bunch of good things about my day and celebrate them.

Here's a short list to start:
1) It's Friday(!) and the weekend is coming sooooo soon. (Like 10 minutes soon!)
2) I'm going to a tai chi class tonight after work with my friend Luc, and I can tell already that I am going to love it
3) I've got some GREAT friends here in Vancouver, and I'm excited about hanging out with some of them this weekend
4) My new apartment is SOOO good. (Hopefully pictures will come soon.)

That was fantastically easy and satisfying. I'd recommend it to anyone.
Well, now I've got to get back to work for a few minutes before heading to a little post-work Tai Chi.

A Dios.

Hello all

2006-04-28T17:52:00.000-03:00

What's up people? I too am feeling a bit homesick Zoe. I love Juarez but sometimes I just miss my other life up in Canada. Life is crazy here. Crazy is Ok, its just also intense. Remember what we were doing this time last year. We were doing the urban plunge in Vancouver.

And here is home sweet home.

Here's another great picture of us.

This is just too cute.

I believe we called them the PIEHEADS.

Oh how I miss you.

And a great shot of Nova Scotia.

Have a great day everyone.

plenty of time to blog

2006-04-27T20:37:00.000-03:00

Ok. One thing I'm positive that this blog lacks is pictures. I'm doing my part in moving towards remedying this by making motion towards buying a digital camera, but these kinds of decisions take time. Especially in my world.

So instead I was looking at what pictures I already have on my computer and came across a bunch from our LQ year, in particular, some that I downloaded from Susana's camera near the end of the year. We had some fantastic times. It is funny how at the time of some of the most memorable moments you are totally unaware that good memories are being made. For example, I was looking at some shots from a winter retreat we went on with the campus group, and realized that some of the best moments were when we were relaxing around the table playing cards and just being our goofy selves.

I miss you all so very much! So to facilitate the reminiscing, I've included a few of my favourite shots, with the reasons why I like them so much.

A candid shot. Sus, Joanne, and Ruth. Relaxed and genuinely amused by whatever is happening at the other end of the table (Adam??). There was a lot of good laughter that night.

I don't even remember what game we were playing, but I do remember laughing with abandon until i could feel all my stomach muscles.

This was some silly game that Ron had come up with. I was a bit skeptical, but I love this shot because of the serious way we're looking at each other (even though I know it was kind of a silly moment).

Does anyone remember what Ron was doing??

Susana. I think you look good here.

CHRISTY! I don't have any shots of you from that night so I had to include this one from the day we went on a sleigh ride. There were so many good times that weekend.

Sus, I love this one because it shows your beautiful "I don't care what you think" spirit. I love that part of you.

One of the things that we were laughing at so hard that night was the ridiculous pictures Ron was taking of himself with Susana's camera.

A little more than a tad scary...

There are a ton more pictures that I would have liked to include, so there may have to be another of these reminiscing picture-posts. But for now, I hope you enjoy these!

Oh. And the reason for the title of this blog is that I am home sick today (for the 2nd day in a row). As I spent all of yesterday asleep and resting my body, today has been left open for a few naps and some time on the ol' laptop.

Btw, I think our site needs a shot of the three of us to add a little personality to it. What do people think of this one?

footwashing and digression

2006-04-13T22:48:00.000-03:00

6:42pm. Blogger finally finished republishing the index. I'm at work. Digressing (my life is full of digressions), and missing out on some footwashing. I was going to be late anyways.

Since I don't have a computer at home right now I thought I'd publish what I have of a new template before the weekend starts. It's not finished yet, but I welcome any comments.

Here's what I predict of reactions to it:
Christy will love it (bright and colorful -- exciting!!)
Susana will hate it (too much color. ugh)
Katelyn will like it, but will right away find things I should fix. You have a good eye Katelyn.
Jeff will say that he doesn't like it as he's never satisfied. (I know, he's my boss.)

I think that was everyone who left a comment about the template.

Anyhoo, let me know what you think.

Happy Maunday Thursday

Argh, Online Bookings :P

2006-04-09T02:01:00.000-03:00

So, after how many hours of 'research'???? I've finally booked my ticket to Switzerland for a long-awaited vacation/ministry time with a longtime friend before she gets married. This trip has been in the works for 2 years. So how is it that a) I have less than $2000 in the bank for it and (ok, a lot less than that!) and b) I didn't purchase my ticket until 12:57pm Saturday night (and I leave on Monday). Well...one simple reason - the gambling got to me. Hours and hours were spent trying to save the most money, find the best ticket, decide on the best route... hours and hours of mind-numbing checks on the computer. I think there needs to be an AA for this type of thing. Surely I'm not alone?? Wish I'd thought of calling a travel agent sooner, but for hours on end I thought: "ok, this is the last one I'll check". Well, for now I'm done. Hope I made the 'right' decision, totally feel as though I'm going out on a limb making plans to fly out of Paris when I have yet to hear back from a friend who may or may not be there (yes, I have a hostel in mind as a back-up) etc. etc. I've given myself a day and a half in Paris. Should be enough of a mini-vacation to check out the Louvre again, eat some delicious cheese, avoid going up the Eiffel Tower and browse in a few gardens. Here's the rest of the scoop:
April 10 - 11 Transit
April 11 - 17 Visiting friends in the Alps, skiing/snowboarding, etc etc
April 18, 19 Friend has to work, on own, hanging with her family
April 22 The BIG day!!
April 23-26 Personal Retreat at a YWAM base
April 26 Train to Paris
April 27 Full Day in Paris
April 28 Transit Home to Toronto

The last perk is that I'll have a couple of days at home before I fly out to Halifax to visit with the family. I'm totally looking forward to this holiday as it's now 1:09am and I'm on day 3 of extreme sleep deprivation trying to book this ticket. ! wow - talk about needing to learn to make my own decisions in freedom. Tried to listen to the voice of God but not sure if I'm right on the money tonight...we'll see. I'm trusting Him to lead in grace anyhow. Overcome my weaknesses and such of which I'm very much aware.

Oh 'freedom' - the most incredible and simultaneously most terrifying thing of all!!!

Cheers,

Christy

new thought

2006-04-04T19:04:00.000-03:00

Ok. So I have another thought. How about using this one:

and changing the colours a bunch. What I like about this one:
- still has the center column for text
- has space at the top for images (which i definitely think we need)
- the white border around all the different boxes is cool - keeps things separated

The only thing is that it's kind of boring. This'd be fixed up if we changed the titles to be something funky and maybe added a border between posts.

I dunno, but I definitely think that none of these are perfect and that I need to at least tweak it myself before I can be satisfied with whichever one we choose.

rounders greenish

2006-04-04T12:28:00.000-03:00

So a mixed reaction on the orange.

What about this one? Colour's a little dull, eh?

One of the reasons I like these ones is that the reading space is contained to the center of the page. It makes it easier on the eyes.

thisaway orange

2006-04-03T17:50:00.000-03:00

Thanks for your comment Katelyn.
Is this the kind of orange that you hate?

I'm not a big fan of what i consider "tacky orange" (bright bright orange) either. I kind of like this one though. It's more like a pumpkin than an orange. What do you think, is it "muted"?

I do want to listen to readers' comments -- if you hate the site layout/colous who will read the blog?

Template

2006-03-31T18:47:00.000-04:00

hey Zoe,

Just checked the templates - I'm liking Thisaway or Rounders (if we could make it orange). I didn't see which orange one you were talking about, but I'd be up for it - jellyfish didn't do anything for me.

And now it sounds like we're talking details on a drug swap or something. ;0

Speaking of which, you gotta love it when 6 or so teenboys get on the bus totally stoked out of their minds, with one girl teen (poor gal) along for the fun. I don't mind when friends my age enjoy interesting substances (usually they're not into too much of it too often and are using it as a creative 'relaxing' drug) but it REALLY gets to me when I see teenagers (especially below 17) abusing the stuff. Especially when they're still on it out in public and they think they're all that. I find myself asking God to wake them up before they wreck the rest of their lives.

Good times on a Friday afternoon 4pm on a halifax bus.

need a new template: please comment

2006-03-30T12:47:00.000-04:00

hi all.
well actually, this post is more for dialogue between the three of us, but anyone is welcome to share their opinion.

i mentioned before that i think we should change the template. it's pretty hard to read, and well, to be frank, is kind of ugly. (i can say that because i think it was me that picked this one plain black one.)

so i've got a couple if ideas. there's the orange one which i like partly because LQ reminds me of orange, and because it's pretty, well layed out and readable. then there's the jellyfish one which i also kind of like, but is pretty wide. Those would be my 2 suggestions, but there are a ton to choose from from inside the blogger site.

let me know what you think. the great thing about my new job is that i can tweak any of these templates to suit our fancy. (i could even make us one of our own, but that would take much time and effort.)

ciao!
p.s. if you don't comment within a week i will take it to mean that you don't check the blog and don't care therfore i will change it to whichever one i feel like. :)

Moving... i think

2006-03-30T11:57:00.000-04:00

So it's pretty much official: I'm moving apartments.

I have been thinking about moving from my current apartment for a while, and talking about it for even longer than that (I do a lot of talking without thinking first), and now have finally got the guts to get on with it. May 1. Hopefully it will be to a place just down the street which is pink and quaint and 1930's and has a nice bit of character to it (i LOVE character in buildings). Oh, and rent is pretty reasonable too.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with my apartment now. It's great. (And if anyone is looking for a place in central Vanc. with a gorgeous view and big bright windows for May 1, then I'm your hookup.) ...BUT it IS darned expensive, and it doesn't quite feel like home.

So the plan, if all works out, is that I'll be able to start moving in on April 15th (conveniently, the day my parents will be rolling into town with their 1/2 ton Albertan pickup truck) but will have till May 1 to have all of my things out of the old place.

I'm headed to take a second peek at it tonight with Melanie, so will post some pics if M brings her digitial camera.

ttfn!

Finally!

2006-03-23T22:19:00.000-04:00

Hey girls & blog chums I have yet to meet. So! I finally remembered how to blog. For a ridiculous excuse: I blew up at Jess yesterday when she commented I really should blog again as there was lots going on from elsewheres. Well! Like I told her, I'd tried twice (apparently with the wrong URL) and so gave up in frustration. That was in February.

Now - in true procrastination genius I've figured it out and here we go. To let you all know - I'm considering (seriously this time) teaching overseas in the fall and have started the process of putting out resumes, talking with recruiters (ok 1 recruiter) and such.

Then - to throw a bit of excitement into these plans, I got a call today from a local ESL school and I have an interview tomorrow (Friday). So, Zoe & Sus if you read this in time, I'd appreciate a prayer! ;) I'm trusting God to open and close the 'right doors' so that I'll end up in the place He's purposed for me. I'm liking the adventure. (Today.)

Back to prepping for tomorrow - love you gals and thanks for keeping in touch!! XOXOXO

I can go on!

2006-03-22T21:21:00.000-04:00

~yet another work-time post~
Just got back to my desk after a game of foosball (yes, I should be working) and was totally not motivated to get to work. Not that today was an especially bad or boring day (it was actually quite exciting with an important meeting an a team lunch out) but I just didn't feel like doing anything. Checked my cell phone and got not one, but 2 (two!) messages from two totally awesome friends. So thank you to Steven Klaasen and to Ruth (I got their messages in that order) for bringing my day around full circle. I now feel like I can get down to work for another hour until I have to leave.

As an aside, I'll tell a little bit about what I'm working on. (Just a bit as I am now so very motivated to be working.) Right now I'm revamping the GUI (that's Graphical User Interface for all you non-techies) of a computer system which the company built a while ago so that it looks presentable for a demo that some of the business people are doing next month. Basically it involves making pretty (adding colour, fixing fonts and layout) a program that was definitely designed by engineers. I'd post some screenshots, but I don't know if that's allowed.

Anyhoo gotta get back to work. But I do hope that i get to talk to both of my good friends soon. (Steven I hope you don't mind me calling you a 'good' friend. We've only hung out a couple of times, but I can tell already that you are worthy of being called 'good' at being a friend.)

hello jeff

2006-03-21T19:02:00.000-04:00

This is going to be a quick post as I am at work and it is during working hours.

Apparently anyone can access a website through the internet.

I was sitting at my desk just a few minutes ago when I overheard the words "your officemate" and "has a blog" being spoken to my officemate Ben. I pulled off my headphones with my ears ringing. I demanded that Jeff explain what he was talking about.

Apparently if you go to finance.google.com, search for my company ('mda' works), and check out the "other blogs" link at the bottom of the blogs section, you'll find a link to my post "vancouver ho!".

So this post is for Jeff -- thanks for not sending the link out to the whole team (or the whole company). And for Ben too: thanks for being the kind of guy who wouldn't do such a thing. It makes me a little bit wierded out that any of you can now read all of the things I've written on this blog, but I guess you (or anyone else) could have done that anyways.

Did a quick google search on "zoe + blog + vancouver" and didn't find any links to our site in the first 15 pages, so that's a bit of a relief anyways.

not the only one

2006-03-20T22:08:00.000-04:00

I MUST defend myself. But I've only got 3 minutes...

So I haven't been posting so much. BUT there's a good reason. My silly laptop is broken (screen backlight is acting up again, rather acting down -- not working at all). Sooooo, that's my excuse. And a pretty good one.

How, you may ask, am I typing this blog? I'm at work. I generally try not to stay after work too late (this is a new *discipline* i'm trying to practice), so blogging is generally tough.

On another note it was GORGEOUS outside in vancouver today. I'll add an excerpt from an email I sent to a friend this morning.

"As I rubbed the sleep from my eyes this morning at 6:30 the sun was already out, promising a gorgeous beginning to the first day of spring. As I left my apartment and walked out to the bus stop, I was welcomed into the day by the sun`s bright shining and the beginnings of the smells of springtime. It is indeed a beautiful day. Vancouver being mild as it is, has been green in places for most of the winter, but a new greeness is sprouting in the new leaves and buds on the trees and bringing with it excitement and expectation of warmth and life, and a renewed reason for hope."

Hope it is just as sunny where you are today.
z.

I guess I'm the only one posting

2006-03-20T15:57:00.000-04:00

Hello all! I miss you all and Canada. Sometimes Texas and Mexico are just a little to much. What is a person to do when they are homesick. If only I felt like having a real job and living a normal life. But alas, I love adventure and don't want to settle. I definitely have a fear of commitment.
Its cold in Mexico today, like 9C and very windy. So, I wish today I wasn't here. Oh life! So, what's going on in all your lives? I think that you should all post comments and tell me how your doing and then I will get a taste of home. Besides this is also a great idea because we don't do post so much so you could make our site more active. Just so you know, I appreciate you all and am interested in your lives.

Good Morning

2006-03-09T13:03:00.000-04:00

Hello

So, I woke up this morning with a cold. Actually, let me start with last night. It is spring in Juarez which means we have wind storms. The winds were going 50 miles an hour which is like 80 km an hour (I think). Super windy and of course it means sand storms. There is sand everywhere and in everything. Anyway, I get nightmares that the wind will pick up my car and take it away or it will rip the roof off of my house. All possible, but didn't happen. Anyway, I don't think I really slept until like 3 when the wind finally went down. And then I woke up at 5 with a sore throught. You known when you go to bed feeling fine and then the next morning you feel like total crap. That's me this morning. So, felt sick and was like, I should stay in bed, but I felt so uncomfortable that by 6:30 I got up. I wish my day wasn't busy today, so I could go back to bed, but it is and I will just have to deal and eat a lot of halls. Hopefully it will pass by Saturday because I have to host a team next week.

On a brighter note. I went on a Holy Spirit retreat this weekend. It was really good and relaxing. I went up into the mountains of New Mexico which has trees and water. Very beautiful.

another vancouver saturday

2006-03-04T23:43:00.000-04:00

today i saw more of vancouver than i have in a long time. this morning i took the skytrain back from new westminster after having stayed the night with friends out there, and though it was kind of cloudy had a good view of some of the lower mainland. i was surprised once again at how beautiful ALL of this area is, not just the mountains and the ocean on the westside. it was great coming back from my night 'away' and as i was riding along, felt like i was seeing this place through the eyes of a tourist; it reminded me a lot of visiting england and taking the train there.

lunch (originally was breakfast, but got delayed) consisted of me hosting my sister megs, her friend rebecca and rebecca's dad ross (or russ, he had an accent so i couldn't tell which it was) for eggs benedict. rebecca and i have been talking for months about her giving me a couch that was sitting in her garage, and this weekend it finally happened. to express my thanks, i attempted to cook them a delicious breakfast. this mostly succeeded. the hollandaise sauce gets an 'E' for effort; it was nice and creamy until they arrived, but unfortunately with the distraction it went all curdly when i stopped whisking it. :( the asparagus was also a little overcooked, but all aside, it went well. this is mostly because they were VERY gracious, and because their company was FANTASTIC. Ross (russ?) is a doctor and the head of something big in the world of medicine in BC, and is a hilarious and down to earth man -- very personable. Rebecca (whose first impression did not endear her to me) takes after her dad, and we had some great discussions about her passion - environmental conservation. And I love being able to hang out with Megs too. It was definitely the lunch that I've had at in my apartment in current memory.

in the afternoon i took a trip to the downtown east side, where i met a bunch of the UBC Navs who were participating in a workday at a community house down there. i haven't really spent any time down there since our LQ 'plunge' last may (see earlier posts), but as i walked down the familiar streets, 'colorful' for more than just the many posters and shopfronts, i realized that i really missed it. there is a certain rawness to the place which i absolutely love. i think its because i can feel God there more than i can in most other places in this city. down there i can see Life Unashamed, life in all its ugliness and its glory.

the evening was beer and hockey at a neigbourhood pub with a friend from high school and a couple of his buddies. All in all i guess that makes for a pretty full (and good) day.

sorry for the long post (again). must put 'brevity' on my todo list. :)

Lent

2006-03-02T11:10:00.000-04:00

I awoke this morning with a certain heaviness in my heart. Today is the first day after Ash Wendesday, the second day in this season called Lent.

It is raining today for the first day in a long time. There is a sadness in this rain, but a fresness & a newness in it too.

It may sound funny to say, but I am looking forward to Lent.

My Staff in Mexico

2006-02-27T15:04:00.000-04:00

Pastor Joel & Carmen

David

Tim and some of our Girls

Jen & me

ah Saturdays

2006-02-26T01:02:00.000-04:00

So on Saturday I believe, it's still Saturday until you wake up and go to church. So! Although Technically it's Sunday I was super excited to see that we all had blogged today! :)
(It's 1am, forgive my ridiculous statements!)

I've come to the conclusion today (only now?) that fundraising is a spiritual endeavour! Unfortunately, that was at the end of the day after trying fruitlessly to do it on my own...without having spent much time with God soaking in His presence/listening to Him. Reason being I had six days to prove myself at work (today being day #5) and felt like I didn't have a ton of time (with current responsibilities) to enjoy my regular Saturday morning retreat time. I told myself earlier in the week I only could spend Sunday resting...although I felt the Spirit trying to get my attention throughout the day to direct my steps. At any rate, I discovered this week it's extremely easy to burn-out/stress-out when all you do is work day and night.

Anyways, I'm amazed by how stressful fundraising can be...when it's not faced with faith/in faith/in touch with the One who gives faith.

Saturday Afternoon

2006-02-25T21:57:00.000-04:00

In true west coast style I spent the afternoon up in the mountains today.

For the last three years a bunch of people from my church have been going up to one of the local mountains here (Seymour mountain) for an afternoon of snowshoeing. Of course, this was my first time joining the group, and it was such a great time! -- What an amazing way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

Besides the sheer physical satisfaction of using all those muscles that you never get a chance to use, it was great to get to spend quality time with good people. Church can be a funny thing if the only time you see the people who go there is on Sunday morning. For me the afternoon really helped me feel connected to the church & its people in a real and natural way.

The day was gorgeous too. Though it was cloudy and a bit cold, it turned out to be great weather for the event. Although Vancouver is completely bare of snow (as it is most of the time), there was plenty of snow on the ground by the time we had driven up the mountain to where the ski hill and snowshoeing runs are. Halfway through our trip beautiful big flakes began to fall, coming down softly with the gentle breeze. It truly made the afternoon feel complete as a winter event!

Saturday morning

2006-02-25T12:04:00.000-04:00

I'm currently cleaning my house. It has gotten to the point where I can't stand it anymore. So, I got up early on Saturday to clean my house. I'm also eating oreo's and drinking coffee. A breakfast worthy of my mission this morning. My house is rotten to begin with but and I feel like I just need to bleach it everday. I restrain myself but I decided it was worth it to scrub it again. Now, I just have to keep all my visitors out so they don't make it messy. Just kidding. Even if I wanted to it would be impossible. We have a house in El Paso that I am currently staying in. It is really the staff house so my fellow staff who live in Juarez use it to crash in which is perfect. It is what they need and I love to cook for them and take care of them. So, I don't really mind the mess. Just this morning. My fellow co-workers are Jen, David, Mike, Gordon and Carolyn, Tim and Debbie and Pastor Joel and his family. I'm going to find some pictures of them so you can meet them. Warning, they are all crazy, but not as crazy as me.

This is me in Mexico

2006-02-24T00:57:00.000-04:00

Typical picture of missionary with kid, but I hate pictures so I avoid them so there are only a few good ones of me and this is one of them.

Greetings from Mexico

2006-02-24T00:19:00.000-04:00

Hello All!
I guess I'm back! It's so good to hear from you all. I almost sound Texan there. I do live in the amazing border of Mexico and Texas. That just makes for a interesting mix. I actually love it. So, I work in Mexico. I'm a missionary for better or for worse. Right now I feel like if I quit I would be in direct disobedience to God. Sometimes when I'm stress I really just want to leave and go do something normal (I know that doesn't exist, but I live in some kind of realm of extreme abnormality) and God always tells me that would be in disobeying. And I although I often disrespect God and do not treat his as I should I just cant stand the thought of really disobeying him. I also know that when I try to pull away from God, he always pulls me back because I screw up. So, this is partly why I'm here. Anyway, one day I will tell you all about my life here. I don't have the energy to go into it tonight. So for now, I only wanted to say hello.

pictures

2006-02-23T00:50:00.000-04:00

can anyone tell me how i can post pictures? i know im supposed to be a software engineer and all, but i can't seem to get 'picasa' and 'hello' (the two programs they recommend using on the blogger help site) to ACTUALLY put a picture online where it is of use to me. i was able to do it once when we first started to blog, but i haven't been able to since. what i want to do is put a picture of myself somewhere online so that i can use it in my profile.

anyone?

intimidated by busy-ness

2006-02-23T00:24:00.000-04:00

So frustrated. I just got off the phone with an old friend from high school and i am feeling deflated and intimitdated. Really, I should feel excited for her about how satisfied she seems: she's got a fancy job (well, two jobs really, yes 2 full-time jobs), is just finishing her degree at university (yes, full-time studies), she's cheerleading on the All-Stars team (as well as coaching, and judging for the sport), she's on all kinds of committees, and has been publishing all kinds of papers and flying all over the world.

SHE IS SO BUSY! Ugh. It makes me feel so rotten about the fact that I can barely put in 40 hours at work, and don't do a whole hell of a lot outside of those 40 hours. What happened to my getupandgo? I've got to get out of this contemplative 'Mary' lifestyle.

Sorry I just had to vent there. (That's allowed here, right?)

Ah, friends. Please stop me from allowing this to disintigrate into a spiral of self-pity and deprication. What a sorry mess that would be. (Am I allowed to ask for help? I am still testing the 'rules' and etiquitte of blogger-land. Thanks for your grace.)

2 more thoughts

2006-02-16T02:47:00.000-04:00

1) If anyone is reading this I apologize for my (apparently chronic) verboseness. The words seem so much longer when they're on the blog than in the little box you write in.

2) I am thinking about changing the colours on the site. I liked the black at first: simple, clean, etc. But it's a little dark, and maybe a little boring. Now that I've got some web designing skill maybe I can spice it up a little. Of course I need to get approval from my two fellow posters (is that the right term?), but I would love to hear anyone else's opinions.

(p.s. is anyone reading this, christy? Or is it just the 3 of us and your LQ housemates --> hello Jess!!)
p.p.s. our picture is huge. and a little out of date. surely we have some newer ones...

5 days of sunshine

2006-02-16T02:24:00.000-04:00

Well, in an attempt to make ammends and rejoin the world of the living (well, at least the world of communicating) I am heartily taking up Christy's call to re-blog. My most sincere apologies to all the friends who have already put me in the 'never going to call/write back' category. (It is nothing personal, I SWEAR!) Here's to hoping my heartiness will last...

So lately I've been obsessed with trying to be honest. I think that Christy (and probably Susana too) would probably say that I have always been this way, but have been trying to add depth and thoughtfulness to this honestly in recent times. I think this is not a bad place to do it. Really, if you want to be super-open about all of your personal thoughts and feelings that you've maybe never shared before, what better place to do so than the internet? ;0)

What to talk about -- how about the weather? Well, contrary to Christy's post from yesterday, we've actually had about 5 days of sun in a row here in Vancouver. (HOLY CRAP!) I seriously thought that I was never really going to get to see the sun again, and that when it came out (every 3 weeks or so) it was just to taunt us and prevent us from accepting a sun-less world. And so I lived as a slave to the grey, clinging to a small sliver of hope that the sun would someday return.

Ironically enough, now that it is back I spend most days inside not able to enjoy it anyways. But let's not get too carried away with complaining.

Speaking of irony, what is irony anyways? I don't think that this is really an example of irony, unless you think that it is dramatic irony and that God is the audience sitting and watching me walk into my dreary grey-walled windowless office just at the moment as the sun peak out from behind the clouds. (Is that even what dramatic irony is? My memory of grade 12 English class is hazy.) My uncle Mike, who is a very smart man, once pointed out to me that in Alanis Morisette's song, most of her stories are not examples of irony.

Is it ironic that I spoke about my conviction to express deep and thoughtful honesty and then went on to talk of such pithy things as the weather and Alanis Morisette? Thoughts anyone?

peace. and love.
zoe

a year later...

2006-02-14T23:11:00.000-04:00

Welcome back! It's nearly been a year since we started this blog, and as Valentines day was a good day to stroll down memory lane, this year's LQ gal, Jess, thought a browsing through last year's blog would provide great entertainment. How true that was. I'd forgotten how emotional a ride it had been...how pithy and how profound our lives felt...and just how humorous tales of Zoe's antics and Susana's re-telling of the tale really were. (How I love you girls!)

So, it occurred to me it might be even more apt to begin to post now (and I'll have a lot more motivation to now cause I know there's potential for a 'real' audience) - now that we're scattered around the globe I mean. To recap: Susana's in Mexico (at least last time I talked with her that was...which was a while ago...), Zoe's in Vancouver (and it's STILL raining), and I'm back in Halifax wondering again about sticking around for another year or heading - you guessed it! - to China/South Korea/Hong Kong? or to Vancouver? Or????

Funny how not that much will change in a year, and yet this year has been incredibly different from the previous one!

But, I will save that recap for another time (tease you a little, convince you to poke your nose into this blog again soon) as it's nearly midnight and I'm up at 5am tomorrow for our monthly trek to Moncton.

Adios amigos & hope to hear from you other LQers soon!!

xo Christy
Valentines Day 06

vancouver ho!

2005-06-03T00:03:00.000-03:00

so it's almost official. i'm moving to vancouver.

sorry to those of you who are reading this on the blog and are offended because i haven't told them in person yet. what can i say, i didn't see a ton of people today.

i'm taking a job at Mac donald Dett wiler & As sociates where i worked when i lived in Vancouver two years ago. it's an engineering firm that "provides advanced information solutions that capture and process vast amounts of data, produce essential information, and improve the decision making and operational performance of business and government organizations worldwide" -- whatever that means. (I seem to gravitate to organizations and programs whose purpose and activity are inarticulable. Guess I don't really like boxes.)

for me that means a job where i get paid salary and work on a team to help build software that will be used by the US Air Force and the FAA (if their contract goes through). my particular role will be to try and break the software. i like this job. working on the "test team", i'll get to make sure that what the program that the "developpers" write actually meets its requirements. this involves reading official USAF documents, some math, some ingenuity, Microsoft Word skills, and a lot of repetition in executing the tests.

but that's just the technical part. i'll also get to be working and sharing space with a group of very cool (though often socially awkward), and inevitably loveable people. maybe God will do some crazy-powerful and miraculous things in the 4 months that my contract extends for. or maybe i'll just make some better friends, and help people to see outside their box a little. like i said before, it is part of my job to break things, why not break open people's minds? i like that job too.

i know i skipped over a whole section of the program and my life between this entry and last. However i've learned that you certainly can't do everything in life, but you certainly can do some things.

a bientot

This is not about the ocean!

2005-05-17T18:00:00.000-03:00

So, this weekend, I went to a drive in movie theater. This is a stupid thing to do. But last week, I started work, and I had a cold, so every day after work I would go home and go to bed because I felt so sick. So, by Friday night I was so tired of staying home that when Adam asked me if I wanted to go, I said I was interested. So, let me tell you why this was a stupid thing to do. The drive-in theater was in the valley which is about an hour outside of Halifax. The movies only started at 9pm. I was still very sick and generally should have been in bed by 9. And lastly, this was stupid because one of the movies was XXX: State of the Union. But I felt like going out so off we went. I convinced Ruth that she should come and Jane also agree to come, so in the end it was 3 girls and Adam. This made it fun. And the other movie was Hitch which is a less stupid movie. So, Jane, Ruth and I made fun of XXX which you can do to a point. The thing that eventually ticked us off was the bad English these guy's spoke. After about 15min it was really hard to take. And if your thinking about watching Hitch, let me just tell you the moral of the story. You know if it is true love on the third date. Anyway, it ended up being fun, which just goes to prove that stupid things are sometimes fun. And I got home at 2:30am and promptly slept until 11:30 the next morning. And spent the day at home trying to get over my cold, which did go away on Sunday.

sleepin' in the park

2005-05-16T10:36:00.000-03:00

after threats of threats from katelyn, im back. before i move on, i'd like to tell some stories about our 48 hour trip in the street, as promised.

At around 4:30 on April 25th, the 5 of us (Jon, Merrin (Victoria LQers), Christy, Susana and I) set out for a two day plunge into the heart of one of Canada's roughest downtow cores with no money, no food, and no clothes except the ones on our backs. We brought along sleeping bags, and a couple of cell phones and ID hidden away in socks. But for the most part we were at the mercy of the city, like hundreds of others in Vancouver's downtown east side.

Here are a few exerpts from my journal about the experience:

Reaching Main St. I tried to look "somber" and fit in. We asked two men for a good cheap place to eat. I couldn't stop staring at his yellowing teeth and bleeding lip. We asked about a free meal. They seemed friendly and helpful, but not surprised, as I had anticipated.
...
(Free dinner at a mission)
The sermon was condescending, and incoherent. The smartly dressed preacher and his matchng wife were selling a way to salvation by talking about Zerubabel, and about a "friend" who he'd helped overcome alcoholism. 'Your resources are not enough' he told us. 'You need help.' I reacted strongly. He didn't speak with an ounce of humility or genuine compassion. The only real emotion he was emitting was fear... We felt like cattle.
...
We sit inside at a table by ourselves though people are all around us. I am feeling quite desperate to fit in. I want to make conversation and interact with people. I try to look more scared than I actually am because I feel like that will make me appear like a newcomer to the scene, a traveller perhaps. One man asks if we are new around here. I ask him how he can tell. "You don't look like addicts" he says. We are both silent. He gets up to leave.
...
Walking down Carrall St I had a thought to stop and talk to the woman on the corner at the old Woodwards building. We had seen her there before and I was curious to find out why she was sitting there and thought she was a prime person to get some interaction with.

Behind her was a red flag with a black cross on it. She was wearing a big floppy straw hat with a wide rippled brim that came down low and covered her face. She had a box set up as a table in front of her with a basket and a small can for change, but it was pretty obvious that she wasn't panhandling. Beside her was a wheeled shopping basket. She was reading the Bible. 1 Corinthians.

I asked her what she was doing sitting there. I felt a bit awkward starting up the conversation. She looked at me. "Praise de Lord, my chile!" Her face lit up as her eyes met mine. It was almost like she already knew me. She was strange looking. Hers wasn't the face I was expecting to find under the patched brim of floppy straw. She was neither soft nor gentle. Her eyes were large and they were opened wide. Her stare was piercing, but her eyes were hazy, almost milky with what I assume to be cataracts. But I knew she could see me.

In a strong Jamaican accent she began to speak to us. "I be here to tell the people to repent." She spoke loudly and with much strength in her voice. I felt vulnerable when she looked at me. "The people -- there be sin all aroun' dis place. And de people need Jesus." I was excited, as I get when I hear people who speak Jesus' name, and of knowing God. Feelings of sympathy, agreement and love struggled against the fear and vulnerability which I felt when she looked at me. She went on. I felt slightly embarassed at the spectacle we were making. But these people make nothing of spectacles. It is part of the normalcy here.

Other people passed by. A transvestite stopped for a brief, patronizing conversation. A man shouted a warning that she practiced voodoo, calling her a witch. Another man came up and put some change in her basket. He had a patch on his eye and was wearing all black. He listened intently. I was curious to see what the man wanted from her, but Jon rightly said that we had to go get lunch. The sun was getting hot. I still wonder what they talked about.

I could proably go on forever, but will stop here for now. I can only apologize so many times for my long-winded-ness. But, if there is demand, I'll publish some more.

Susana & Ocean

2005-05-13T10:22:00.000-03:00

Oh how I love thee (the ocean that is). So, last week we were at Camp Malagash on the North Shore of Nova Scotia. I spent so much time on the beach that I got this horrible cold that keeps me awake at night and that just won't go away. Christy loved warm, lush and beautiful Vancouver, but I love cold, dreary and rugged Nova Scotia. Perhaps I loved and found more beautiful my week at Malagash because there was less stress than in Vancouver. So, I spent the week on the beach, enjoying all the beautiful pictures God was painting everywhere. I did not get the rest I need and so my moods changed with the weather and the wind. I would be on a high because it would be sunny and everything was fun, and the next moment a cloud came in and I was so exhausted and ready to crash and yell to the world "Fine, you win!". I have no idea what I thought the world had againt's me. It was an emotional roller-coaster. My heart would want to break at the slightest thing. Over a piece of Seaglass I found because it was so beautiful, or over a vulnerable look I saw on someone's face.. Anyway, I guess this sarcastic and insensitive Manitoban is slowly going soft. But it is true that when God blesses us abundantly, you begin to take responsibility for the blessings around you and things can get uncomfortable or real. But I know it is always for my good, so I must just deal. Anyway, it was sunny everyday, people had a great time. I got to spend as much time as I wanted with the Abarbanel Clan (major highlight) and one afternoon, I went Clam digging with Jenna, Ruth and Zoe. This was the most fun thing ever. I had never dug clams before. And clams are so cool and disgusting. You too should try it if you have the chance. We did not eat the clams but properly left them in the ocean to live a happy life after we had named them. It was really fun.

Marvelous Malagash Moments

2005-05-12T18:25:00.000-03:00

Incredible sky-painted sunsets
Golden sunrises
Formidable friends funnily dressed and hooting with laughter
Sing-songing hymns
SOCCER (getting trashed by the Abarbaclan)
Ultimate Frisbee
The beach (the colours of the stones!! so different, so varied!)
The lack of icy wind and the brilliant sunshine

God.

Enter the Absentee Blogger

2005-05-12T18:08:00.000-03:00

You know you've been away too long when you can't remember how to post on your own blog!

Well, so much has happened...so much to tell! First things first: I've just come to the conclusion I just MAY need to become a teacher. Elementary teacher. What with the Abarbablog and my friend Chris regailing me with his brilliant kid anecdotes from his teacher-training moments. [I'd forgotten dodgeball is on the curriculum below grade 8!]

Well, my brain and body is slowly getting used to the idea of being in Halifax again. It's been awhile. Vancouver was an incredible escape from the cold, wet, dreary world Haligonians have been enduring for the last 4 months! And, I hear the flowers bloom in Vancouver in February! I just may be hearing the call West. Only have to figure out if it's the call of God or the beautiful location - or, if it matters. :)

So, in the short 6 weeks I have in H-town I'm supposedly to be deciding what to do next. Really, do I have to??? Choices are China, Halifax, or Vancouver. OH man, oh man. Tough decision. Mom's wishing Muskoka was in the picture (and heck, in God's mind it may be!) but I'm looking for university ops and the closest thing they've got is Nipissing... well, hey it's something, but. I am looking forward to heading home for a couple of weeks during the best time of year!! Sweet sunsets, canoe rides, wakeboarding and family. Sweet.

Hello Everybody!

2005-05-08T18:55:00.000-03:00

I'm back. Sorry about the extreme lack of blogging. In my defense, I have not had much access to a computer in the last month. I usually had it at least once a week. So, I should have at least given updates as should my fellow LQer's but they didn't and neither did I. So that was a needless slam on Christy and Zoe (Sorry, but hint, lets all start blogging again). Anyway, I'm so overwhelmed with my life. It is crazy. Sometimes I just want to crawl into a whole and hide from the world for a while and make everything stop just long enough to catch my breath. But when I do catch my breath there is so much to reflect on that I can't do it in one breath. And to top it all off. I have a cold. Now, I realize that there are much worse things to have than a cold but I still would rather not have it.
Anyway, So, the last month for me has been, a week in Manitoba(wonderful), 2 weeks in Vancouver (hard), and 1 week at camp Malagash here in Nova Scotia(I'll tell you about it in the next entry). My last week in Vancouver was very hard. I don't believe I have ever had so much stress in one week. We did an Urban Plunge for 48 hours. I have no idea how to describe it. It was one of those experiences that made me be angry with myself, our culture, our city's, our government and our churches. I hate it when I respond to things that are screwed up in this world with anger. I do it all the time. That is totally the wrong way to solve a problem and it is definitely not Godly. In our urban plunge we tried to give up our power that we hold in the world and try to experience what it is like to be powerless and also to stand in solidarity with the powerless in our society. I realized that I love my power and I didn't want to give it up and also refused to give it up some of the time. Also everyone I met saw that I had power and told me to take it back and make something of my life. The powerless would tell me to get a job because I could and would people with power. And I would agree with them, that I have power and am responsible for it and need to use it to contribute to the world I'm in. So, I was not accepted, and I didn't like who I was either. Jesus gave up his power for the world, but I'm not Jesus. There are times in life that we do need to give up our power and stand with the powerless or give our power to them. This I know. It is not easy but I do hope that I will always be able to do it when it is required of me. I also learnt that our culture, our community's, our governments, and our churches do not often treat the powerless in our world with dignity and respect. Nor do the give them their power back. They only take more from them. So, if any of your are looking for a calling in life, here is one very few are working with. I realize I used the word power a lot. By that I mean the marginalized in our culture. Some of these are the poor, the mentally ill, our elderly, and many more.
So, that was that week. I don't think I laughed at all that week.

vancouver cont'd

2005-04-24T21:15:00.001-03:00

Out the window my two young cousins play in the sprinkler as my uncle watches, getting them wet with the ol' pinch the hose trick. The innocence of youth is a great thing, especially when you can create a few laughs as a result. This is our weekend off. It's a chance for me to hang out with my family in the city and a break from the intense city exploration Susana described in the previous post.

Sunday we went on a city churches tour. It was surprisingly moving. The first church, St. James was a mid-to-high Anglican service, with smells and bells, but a low altar (if that means anything to any of you). I grew up Anglican, and so it was familiar. Even the scent of the woman behind me was like how my Granny used to smell. It was a nice taste of home, and encouraging to see some life in an Anglican church, one trying (in it's own way) to make a difference in the downtown community.

The second stop was a Native mission church on Hastings at Main. This was moving in a different way. The nine of us more than doubled the whole church, which looked out into the alley behind the Carnegie Centre at the infamous Vancouver intersection. We watched, singing songs of praise led by the sounds of a single guitar, as people outside talked and milled about making deals behind the dumpster. Tears began to flow from my eyes as I watched a man try for what felt like hours to inject desperately desired herione into a hard to find vein. The contrast was almost too much. How can we sing our songs praising God when the earth he created has so much pain still in it? How can I even believe that God is present in such a place? I didn't have the answers.

Third, an afternoon Jazz vespers service at the United church downtown. I will be honest, it upset me. It didn't seem to get God. It was empty. It was a new age feel-good session with a plastic-faced woman singing mediocre jazz songs and "messages" that didn't speak to me at all. I didn't feel a single pang of guilt about passing along the offering basket.

The last service was at a Baptist community church just off Commercial Drive. Every church has its quirks, but this one seemed to get it right in important ways. It was less of a navel-gazing church and it smacked of good community and a sensitivity to the world outside. And there were young people -- a good sign.

Tomorrow we embark on another adventure: 48 hours on the streets. Stay tuned...

Vancouver

2005-04-23T13:51:00.000-03:00

Sorry about the long absence of a post, but I haven't had access to a computer for a week. This week finds me in beautiful BC, in the fair city of Vancouver. As you can see I find it very beautiful. I'm here learning about city ministry. Something i'm super curious about. And it has been good. I find myself overwhelmed about this particular city but really excited to take this stuff back to Halifax. We are spending our time engaging different parts of the city, such as the marginilized area, the marketplace, and the inbetween. One thing I keep learning is how much city's are not a place of community often and that alot of the city's problems arise from that. So, it would be good if people were more interested in getting to know there neighbors, and more important people outside of their spheres. Anyway, I have one more week to think about the and examine it further and see what else God desires for me to see. I'm now about to go on a long hike.

Writting

2005-04-15T00:35:00.000-03:00

OK, I would like to introduce you to my blogging process. Ussually, I feel a need to blog, but I don't know what I will blog about. So, I just start writting and something alway's comes to me. Obviously, I'm telling you this because nothing come to me at this moment.
Cheers!

Something Better to say

2005-04-15T00:30:00.000-03:00

OK, I was just kidding. I have something better to say than in the blog that appears before this one.
So, I have been spending my week in Manitoba. A great place to be. In Manitoba when spring comes around it goes all out. You get +20 everyday. And the sun shines. It's very beautiful. And I get to spend time with my family. Also so fantastic as my family is so wonderful. Seriously, it is so wonderful to have a family that is great to hang out with and that loves you. I would hate to be in a family that I did not want to spend time with. That would suck. So, Yeah, my life is awesome.
And I got to spend time with some of my friends and tomorow, I'm going to have a birthday party. This is the second one this week and the third one this year. That's pretty cool.
And I love my life.

Maybe you can notice from this post and some others that I like extremes. One day, I will write about how much life sucks and today I love it. And the places I love are extremes and oposites. I believe I may just be crazy. But, there are worst things to be.

Coffee incident: What really happened!

2005-04-10T15:21:00.000-03:00

So, yesterday being Saturday, Zoe came over to do some work with Christy. I was on my way to the market with some students. I came downstairs to have breakfast (which is usually coffee and maybe something else if I'm hungry, and by that I'm conceding that I have one of the worst diets in the world) and I found Zoe and Christy in the Kitchen. There was no coffee, so I made some because what is life without coffee. Soon Wally come in for some coffee too. But since it was not ready, he left his cup and returned to the newspaper. So, when the coffee was ready I decided to be nice, and bring Wally a cup before I poured some for myself. When I came back into the Kitchen, I heard a whimper from Zoe and I saw beautiful coffee, on the counter, on the floor and on Zoe's pants. My first thought was 'Oh No! Wasted coffee, what an injustice!' But I quickly realized there is no use in crying over spilt coffee, and since Zoe was just standing there dazed and dumbfounded, action was required and hence Christy and I grabbed a towel and started to clean up. At this time a dripping Zoe partly came back to reality and decided to help. Like I said, she was dripping, so once again action was required. So, I told her to go upstairs and change. She then proceeded to unbutton her jeans right there in the kitchen. She was still dazed. NOW, there were people around and I don't think they would have appreciated finding her with no pants on. So, once again a reprimand was required and I had to say "Zoe, I said, change upstairs, there are people around." At this moment Christy, who is slightly more compassionate than me, took Zoe upstairs, found her some more Clothes and washed Zoe's clothes for her. Christy is so sweet. So, then I had a cup of coffee, and realized that I'm very selfish and quite mean in regards to coffee, and I should really allow Zoe to have some more and be nicer about spilt coffee, so, on my way out the door, I told Zoe to help herself another cup. I realized this was a risk. By, the way, this may be slightly embellished, and as I write, I'm enjoying a cup of coffee. And Zoe, this has happened to me several times, and hot coffee on pants puts logic out of ones mind. It's worse when it is on your stomach. And I'm glad Zoe had a lovely day!

coffee... a nice warm hug in the morning

2005-04-10T00:02:00.000-03:00

When you're standing at the counter, coffee pot and now-empty mug in front of you, and the feeling of something warm and wet is soaking into your pants and your socks, and you can't seem to do anything about it, it's really nice to have friends. It gets even better when they love you enough to not only wipe up the coffee AND do your laundry for you, but even to let you have another cup of their precious coffee. (If you know Susana at all, this is a huge sacrifice.)

Thank you Susana and Christy for taking care of my tired and clutzy self this morning. What would I do without you? I'd be dirty and wet and helpless. (I exaggerate only a little.)

z.

What a day!

2005-04-09T14:47:00.000-03:00

It's beautiful in Halifax. It's sunny, clear and such a great day. There is not regular. I went to the market this morning and had lunch on a deck looking out on the harbor and there is absolutely no hope of me getting annoyers done today. When I got home, I just had to sit outside and read (fiction not theology). And now I'm going out to visit a friend who lives on the ocean. Seriously, what more could you ask for. Ok, I thought of one thing. That it would be green outside. The other major highlight of the day is, I had the most delicious grapefruit. If you can find a grapefruit, you to should have one.

Hi!

2005-04-08T11:17:00.000-03:00

Hi! It is a sad state on this blog. Sorry for the lack of blogging. Yo esta muy preocupado! But here goes.
So, I see in the paper today that there is a high of like 22 in Winnipeg. I'm so happy for all you people blessed with living in Manitoba. The high for Halifax today is 9, which is not bad, however it is grey and drizzling. But it is not cold and it smells like spring. It is so fresh and delicious, and it doesn't matter in the least that it is grey outside. It just allows a person to relax and glory in freshness.
And now for something besides the weather. The liberal government sucks. Really, Canada sucks for having them in government. We are a country that lets their government screw up and steal money and we really hardly bat an eyebrow. However, nobody expects their government to steal from them so we are excuse for not seeing it coming. However, we should get rid of the liberals. Sorry, but this is so wrong and hurts Canadians that the government should change. OK, I can't believe I wrote something political, but I just finished reading the paper and I couldn't help it.

spring beginning

2005-04-03T23:43:00.000-03:00

As I walked home from bible study tonight, the air was thick and wet. It was raining and I could almost taste the spring in the air. It was warm and the wind didn't chill my ears through my wet toque as I am used to. It was so nice so I skipped down the street, thankful that it felt like winter was truly over.

***

Today was the second Sunday of our new church youth group. Alicia, Christy, Sarah and myself percieved a void and wanted start a youth group at our little church. (I say this not to make it sound cute; it's just small. There were two girls in youth group this morning, and they were both the pastor Dan's daughters.)

Two weekends ago the group was kicked off with a wild and adventurous weekend trip a friend's cottage in the Valley. It was a satisfying, invigorating, and tiring weekend. And full. With hauling water, marshmallows, walking in the woods, drama, dancing, girl talk, and Bible study, there was little time for rest.

Of all our adventures, I think my getting us lost and us finding ourselves in Oxford (and almost to New Brunswick) is among the girls' favourite of stories to retell. If you know anything about Nova Scotia geography, this should amuse you greatly.

After worship today we brought the girls into the back room. Amber -- picture hair and freckles fit for her name and a persona that speaks both drama and hilarity -- asked if she could share a song that she had just made up. We agreed, and she sang it for us. It went like this:

"I could eat all the stars in the sky, on a silver platter;
I could drink all the oceans dry, if only I hada bigger bladder."

... okay, so maybe you had to be there. It was hilarious at the time. I won't be surprised or disappointed if the adventurous beginnings of our little group becomes the norm for our Sunday mornings together.

Glorious Sleep

2005-04-03T15:21:00.000-03:00

OK, first, I need to apologize for my lack of blogging. Sorry! I'll try to make it up to you! Here goes:
I love being in Bed. There are few things as wonderful as lying in bed. I love soft beds with soft blankets (lots of them). The blankets cannot be heavy or they will put way to much pressure on your toes. My favorite time to be in bed is when it is chilly in the room. Then you can really appreciate the warmth and softness of the bed! And then you can feel gloriously rich and comfortable. In contrast I also love being in bed when it is really hot and all I need is a sheet for a blanket. It's so great to lie and do nothing because it is to hot to do anything. Now, you may question why I felt a need to express this. This represents how I love different things. A huge problem. For example, I love wet, humid, salty, cold and green Halifax (Nova Scotia) really. And I love the desert in Mexico. I love the heat, the dryness, the brown sand ect. Do you see how my heart is torn? Anyway, thankfully we live in a age of technology (yes, I did just admit technology is useful) so I can travel a lot and be in all places that I love.

Onward Christian Soldiers

2005-04-02T00:32:00.000-04:00

Today we LQers had a lovely birthday party at the Abarbanel's house. It was actually more like the Mad Hatter's party for two reasons:
1) it was a very un-birthday day: although we were celebrating Sarah's 9th (April 11th), and one for Christy, Susana, Kat and myself, it wasn't anyone's birthday today;
2) It was mad. Always is at the Abarbahome. But in a very good split-your-side-laughing-at-and-with-each-other kind of way. I would love to tell you one funny story but we all promised Dan that we wouldn't. Thank you Sarah for sharing your birthday party with us.

When I got home I watched an episode of the "Band of Brothers." Aside from all the violence it is GREAT. My loving Uncle Paul recommended it to me a while ago, but I didn't ever get the opportunity to watch it until now. (Susana let me borrow it. She borrowed it from her Chinese friend Windel. Thanks Windel.) I have started watching an episode every other night or so, justifying this in part because there is much to learn in it about leadership. (LEADER-Quest)

Anyway, so there are a few of good things that I'd like to share about leadership from the movie:

1) Good leaders are good soldiers. (Though good soldiers don't necessarily make good leaders.) Good leaders must have a good instinct about what to do.

2) A good leader doesn't hesitate. He knows what needs to be done and then he is the first one to do it. Even when it isn't easy.

3) Leaders who don't make decisions are BAD leaders. Like Lieutenant Duke in episode 6: when he gets killed in an attack, the whole company is happy because he really didn't know how to be a soldier anyway. (This may related to the first one.)

4) Good leaders care about the men beneath them. This may be the most important. Captain Winters has the respect and trust of the soldiers not only because he is good at what he does, but because they know that he really cares about what happens to them.

These are just a few that have been flitting in and out of my mind.

g'nite all.
z.

p.s. we are learning things about leadership in the program itself too. but sometimes it's easier to get sound bytes out of something that is not your own life. ask me to synthesize and process this whole experience later please, it's almost 1 am.

Oh, Susana

2005-03-31T16:09:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I have ten minutes to blog. There are a few things I've been thinking to write about. But before I get to those I'd like to take this opportunity for a public slam. Adam remarked to me this morning that Susana has been slacking, and not living up to her decision to post every day. Just an observation... (I never committed to doing such a thing, so I can rationalize my stone throwing.)

Last night at about 8pm I was sitting at my computer and realizing that if I didn't get up, I would be stuck doing useless procrastinatory things all night. So I called Susana. (One lesson we've been learning is in order to grow, we need other people.)

She was on her way out to do some errands, including buying a spring-form pan for one of her famous (delicious) cheesecakes. I went with her. We had some trouble finding the right pan, and went to about 5 stores before finding a suitable candidate. Standing in the Bay searching for the right one, Susana was getting (understandably) frustrated. I taunted her a litte bit: "Maybe God is trying to teach you some patience." In the best straightforward, no-crap Susana voice she could muster, she told me "I don't have time for patience." I laughed out loud.

Please remember that I love Susana dearly. I don't think I'd be able to get away with writing all of this in such a public space if she didn't know that.

(Sus - if you hate me now, please let me know and I'll take this off. kisses, z.)

My AMAZING Stroll

2005-03-28T22:55:00.000-04:00

So, I went on the most amazing hike today! I spent all morning reading and by 2pm I needed to get out of the house. It was raining so I decided I would just go for a short walk. So, I got all bundled up, and started walking down to the water. Then Zoe call me and I invited her to join me and it turned out to be beautiful outside. It actually rained the whole time but it was a light drizzle and it wasn't cold at all and most importantly, there was no wind. We were walking down by the northwest arm and we wanted to stick close to the water however there is no one street that goes along the shore. This was a problem that was easily overcome by finding paths or houses that looked empty so nobody would know we walked across there yard. We found beautiful houses, and a movie set (no famous actors around) and a whole bunch of house for sale which we decided should be check out. But the best part was that it smelt like spring. It was so beautiful. Actually it smelt like BC with twist. Halifax send there sewage into the ocean so it smelt like BC plus sewage. The other best part was that I had Zoe for company. The adventure was the better for it.

I feel ugly (II)

2005-03-28T22:22:00.000-04:00

So, there's nothing like saying you feel ugly and then people will come and tell you you are beautiful. It's almost like I was fishing for a complement. I decided to blog about this subject because I found it interesting how I intpreted the comments and how they ate away at my mind even though I thought I had dismissed them. So, anyway Ron in his comment linked it to a frightening picture of what I could potentially look like. You should all check it out. And yes, compared to that I do look beautiful. Which reminds me, today I was reading Galatians and I came upon the verse "Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load." (v4,5) That says to me that I should not compare myself to others to make myself feel more or less beautiful. Now, I already knew this, but isn't it funny how we do it anyway? Just to clarify, I don't actually think I'm ugly, most of the time I have to work on being more humble as I am a confident person and I sure do like to boast about the things I'm good at. Often when people complement me I say "I know", not "Thank you". But to all of you who do or have complemented me "Thank you so much".

I feel ugly!

2005-03-28T12:04:00.000-04:00

OK, so I don't normally care about my appearance. I happen to think I look fine! I know I'm not flawless, but who is, and I'm not going waste my time trying to look perfect. There are so many better things to do with my time. I generally spend about five minutes getting ready for my day. Mostly, I put on casual clothes, brush my teeth and put my hair in a ponytail. I purposely grew my hair long, because I happen to think it's beautiful and long hair looks more like I care about my hair. So, in order to not have to do any work and maybe look professional, I grew it long. It's just a disguise. Sadly I just put it in a ponytail. Last week some people made some comments about my appearance. They weren't hurtful things, just suggestions for improvement. I was shocked. They were simple things like, have you considered contacts? They use the old line of your eyes are beautiful so you should wear contacts. And also maybe that I should exercise which I took to mean you should lose some weight. I know that these things might improve my appearance, but once again I don't really care. After these comments, I thought I dismissed them from my mind, however, over the last few day's they have been on my mind. My first though on Easter Sunday was, maybe I should go running this morning. I hate running and why did I think of that instead of Jesus. I was surprised that I kept thinking about them, and then today, I realized I was considering getting contacts. I couldn't believe these comments had affected me so much, and were making me feel insecure. Then I thought, I think it's important for people to become comfortable with our imperfections. My desire for those people who made these comments, is that they learn to see and love all of me just as I am. To also see everyone else as wonderful, not based on their appearance. We have such a tendency to judge based on appearance in this society. It is such a huge problem.
Needless to say, I am seriously considering exercising more and getting contacts. Does that totally seem like I don't practice what I preach. If it is any consolation to you all, I probably will not exercise. I have never been able to stay committed to exercising.

Good Friday (II)

2005-03-25T23:57:00.000-04:00

Halfway through composing I noticed that Susana has just posted on this topic. Instead of cursing, I will edit to use her post to help convey my thoughts. (Take note Susana -- cursing doesn't ever work to your advantage!)

***

I just finished watching an episode of the Band of Brothers. I found it sombering and a fitting activity for Good Friday. As I sit and listen to a beautifully mournful line of harmony repeat itself in my mind, I embrace the sorrow that I find in my heart.

One night working at camp as a counsellor, the speaker told a story to illustrate Jesus' sacrifice. He told a moving story about a man who, to save a whole train full of people, willingly gave his life. The speaker then used an illustration: sin (represented by a saucer) blocked the blessings (water) which God wanted to pour into our lives (a cup). He said that Jesus was like the man in the story; because of his sacrifice the saucer was not only moved away, but broken forever. He dropped the saucer and it broke on the ground. There was power in his story-telling. Kids who already knew the story were moved to tears. A girl from my cabin cried for over half an hour while I sat with her.

As I sat in the chapel at King's this morning for the Good Friday service, the memory of this girl from camp came back to me as I thought again of the same story of Jesus' sacrifice. I don't know what was going through her head as she cried, and I'm not sure she could have articulated it herself. But there was something so beautiful and rich in the depth and sincerity of her sadness. The memory made me want to muster that same sadness for myself.

I can understand why some Christians do not observe the structure and ceremony of the liturgical calendar. But for whatever reason they've not embraced it, I can't help but feel that perhaps they may be missing something. (Yes Susana, that's you.)

I don't want to say anthing radical or anything judgemental here. But there is something so good about allowing God to produce in us such deep feelings of sorrow and sadness that would move us to irrational tears. And I think that God works through ceremony to help us to identify with this day and with the Cross. Ceremony (including the music, the liturgy, etc.) can be a really good storyteller when we let it: it can go beyond words.

Not all Christians need religiously observe Good Friday, but I do hope that at some point we are all brought to our knees with unbidden tears for the sadness of our situation and what God has done in remedy of it. There is definitely hope beyond Good Friday, but there is a richness to be found in dwelling for a moment in the darkness and sadness of what this day represents.

z.
(p.s. sorry sus, it is really long. i tried.
p.p.s. sorry this is so serious and dramatic. i'll be more light-hearted next time, i promise.)

Good Friday

2005-03-25T23:13:00.000-04:00

So, it is my opinion that there should be a post on our blog everyday. Therefore, every night on my way up to bed, I check to see if anyone has posted, and if they don't I debate (in my head) whether or not I have the energy to blog. At this present moment I'm going to force the energy out of me.
It's Good Friday today, so I have been thinking about Jesus and the cross. Here are some of my thoughts. I find it difficult to identify with Jesus (as in put myself in his shoes), I like his teachings a lot and I love him, but I have difficulty identifying with him. Sometimes I get a glimpse, however I have never been able to identify with him on the cross or leading up to it. This morning my first thought was it's Good Friday, and Jesus, you have to die today. My prayer then was "Sorry Jesus, I'm sorry your fate is that you are going to have the crappiest day ever today". There was no 'thanks for doing that' thoughts in my head. Then I kept thinking about it and how I just can't identify with this day. I think to myself, your Jesus, you knew this was what you were going to do and, I'm more excited about the fact that you came back three day's later and fulfilled your promises. And that you built up your relationships with the people you loved. And then I thought, Yeah, the crucifixion is huge, and vital to what Jesus did for us, but there is so much more to the story and what he did. So, I don't just have to focus on this part and make this the whole story. And I do hope to be able to identify with the cross some time, but I guess it won't be today.
I think I just tried to justify myself or defend my lack of understanding on a part Jesus in this post. Welcome to my brain. And I'm interested in your thoughts in this subject.

adventures in trusting

2005-03-24T15:12:00.000-04:00

Freedom, mercy, compassion, grace. Fabulous characteristics of God that I'm realizing are not as plentiful in my life as I'd like them to be. But, I've been reading Romans and it's both inspiring and challenging me! Seriously. I've started looking at it in the Message and here are some fave nuggets this week:

"Compassion doesn't originate in our bleeding hearts or moral sweat, but in God's mercy."

That's a really nice poetic line but it causes my brain to go into a whirlwind of wondering... ok, so if this is the case - how do I become more compassionate? How do I interact with God in such a way that He'll have mercy on me? Do I just ask for it? And, really, I have a sense that His mercy (whatever that is or looks like) could be dangerous. In the sense that it could change things! Am I up for it? I'm feeling like I'd rather be comfortable...but that doesn't last for long. So! On one hand I'm craving His mercy, on the other I'm asking for grace to deal with it...

cheers,

ck
p.s. I realize I wrote nuggets (plural) but one's good for today - anybody have any insight on how you interpret that line? (And, for those wondering it's from Romans 9 - around verse 12).

Sabbath Day

2005-03-23T22:57:00.000-04:00

So, I just watched the Passion of the Christ. And now I'm very awake, so I thought I would blog. Ok, so I don't really want to talk about the movie, but I will say this. I found it difficult to identify with Jesus, however, I could identify with his mother. I cried for her through the whole movie.

Moving on! So today, I decided to take a Sabbath for half a day. By that I mean a day of rest, and time alone with God. I didn't have to meet anyone until 4pm and my house was empty so I just decided not to work. It was so relaxing. I've been so busy lately, I don't have time for Sabbath's. And I knew, I was really having a Sabbath when I did not clean up after myself in the kitchen. Normally, I always clean up. But today, I did not clean out the dishwasher until after dinner. It is pathetic that I know I'm having a Sabbath when I stop being domestic. But I'm really such a person. I don't know if I'm a totally a Martha, but I sure have a lot of her qualities. But I do have some of Mary's as well. And besides, it's not my fault that I am domestic. It's just a gift that I have to learn to control and use for service of others, not just for my peace of mind. And if you have a proper Sabbath, you can also let your mind go and let it go to all those place you don't when you are busy and trying to accomplish things. So, that's what I did. It really helps one get a better perspective on life.

And I hope you all have a grand day tomorrow!

I've become a morning person!!!

2005-03-22T18:43:00.000-04:00

I've become a morning person againt's my will. By this I don't mean that I'm cheerful in the morning. I'm hardly every cheerful. That would be expecting too much of me. However, for you faithful reader's you may know that my first post was about my journey to the drugstore before 8am. Currently the problem is, the sun rises earlier, before 7, and it wakes me up. At least, it pulls me out of my deep sleep and then the birds, or any other noise wakes me up (such as other people's alarm clocks). We have some mice that live in the walls and the other day, the mice running around in the walls woke me up. Now something about that is just not right. We have been trying to kill the mice but is proving harder that we thought. Anyway, now I wake up early. I'm not really happy with this state of affairs. Sleep is one of those wonderful things that I love, and hate to be pulled out of againts my will. So usually my morning routine is, I spend a few minutes cursing at whatever woke me up. And then I'm really awake and can't go back to sleep so I decide to have my quiet time. Because, my room is cold, I stay under the covers and pray (to tell God my feelings) for a while and then I pull out my bible. If I'm really awake, I sometimes run downstairs and get some coffee. It may be true that I have some anger issues. And then I have this weird, slightly dark, sense of humor. Hence, I find it funny, that I start my quiet time every morning while I'm angry, and would rather be sleeping. Actually, if the sun is out, which has been happening a lot, I cheer up instantly and God and I have a great chat. My bed is so comfortable that I just can't stay angry. And coffee is so wonderful, who could be upset while they are enjoying a cup of coffee with God.

2 am...

2005-03-22T02:00:00.000-04:00

...So it's so late I can't remember the rest of the song that I once sung with gusto (in my teenage years). Good thing too. This getting old thing is making 2am not so appealing as it once was. I'm happy to say I haven't seen too much of it since being on this program. It has been NICE to get a good 8 hours sleep every night - usually 1 & 1/2 before midnight even.

Hence, this is just a quick blog to relate that the Monday evening of celebrating my birthday was amusing and entertaining. I discovered a few things about myself at present:
1) "Susana - thank you so much for um, everything! (literally)" Where would I be without your knack for organizing? Yep, I still haven't learned to multi-task, at least when it comes to making friends feel at home and also cook a meal. We all agreed Susana would do very well in a cheesecake baking ministry.
2) No Martha Stewart here! When friends started coming in and the room was thick from the effects of the charbroiled rice... I was glad I'd already realized that this evening was going to be an exercise in being real and honest about my lack of organization and lack of martha-stewart initiative. It was a relaxed evening with friends - not the spectacular dinner party I'd envisioned, however, replete with life.
3) Culture? What else could you ask for besides Rudyard Kipling, personal photography, Shakespeare, and the Arrogant worms? (And, did anybody mention cheesecake? How about chocolate-raspberry deliciousness?) I have to say, I consider myself a millionaire amid such company.

So - to sum it all up - I feel as though God is wripping off my masks... or at least providing me lots of opportunity to let them down myself... and letting me see what life is really all about. The question this past week has been do I really want to buy into the illusion and pay allegiance to the Illusion, or am I willing to embrace Life and truly enjoy it?

g'night

ck

Happy Belated St. Patricks Day

2005-03-18T21:59:00.000-04:00

OK, so I'm sorry about the extreme amount of depressiveness in my last post. I was only really depressed for a day, but then the rest of my week was so busy, I never had time to inform you of my other state of mind. So, I'd just like to say, I'm fine, and I haven't decided anything about my life. I didn't really solve the issue, just am no longer stressing about it.

Anyway, yesterday we had a St. Patrick's day Party. It was really funny. There were mostly international students that came, so there was a mix of Chinese, Korean, and a guy from the Bahama's. It was crazy, so many different languages, so many way's of behaving and so much misunderstanding. The guy's from Korea had only been in Canada for 3 weeks. I believed they were a little overwhelmed. And then we went crazy and played some kind of crazy Korean number game, and it ended with people singing songs in their own languages. And nobody understanding what they were singing. It was super funny but you probably had to be there.

In other news, I don't have any other news.

2005-03-17T21:40:00.000-04:00

It being St. Paddy's Day and all, I thought it a good idea to write a little green note. (Thanks for the idea Katelyn.)

(p.s. I seem to be blogging more lately... it's almost as if I were avoiding other work or something. Any ideas Christy?)

unbidden abandon

2005-03-16T23:02:00.000-04:00

Something I recently realized was the singular lack of real fun in my life. I mean the real kind of fun -- not the so-called fun activities which are really more of an obligation than a reckless abandon of all things boring and socially acceptable. I mean the kind of fun that we all used to have when we ran through the sprinklers: the kind that from the outside makes no sense at all, but brings an unbidden smile to anyone who catches a glimpse.

The other week I was out walking on one cool clear night. The stars were bright and inviting of adoration. I was feeling slightly spontaneous already (admittedly, I had some sugar pumping through my bloodstream). As we crossed the street I turned to Josh as if to say "watch this." I stopped, turned to face the oncoming car which was a fair distance away, opened my mouth, bent my knees, threw down my fists and yelled in its direction. It felt glorious! Oh the freedom of letting go of all need to "be aware" of what others think. I did not scream a bloodcurdling scream so as to frighten nearby residents. Nor did I put myself or anyone else in any danger. Josh thought it was hilarious. It was the beginning of a very good night.

I was recently reminded of another silly story, in which my sister Meghan and I decided it appropriate (or at least a good idea) to spend one whole day speaking only in song. Conveniently, we had a job painting together and the only other person with whom it was necessary that we conversed was the manager who brought us our paint, a good friend and amused by our silliness. It was, however, quite freeing to speak to complete strangers as if you were a character in an opera.

I need more of this kind of thing in my life, week, day. You should all try this too. It'll be a group project. Really let go and give it a shot. Though not always easy to bring forth, the benefits are beyond comprehension. You can almost feel being released from the restrictive sinews of social acceptedness. Exciting, isn't it? If you have adventures of recklesness to tell, please, do share.

(The picture above is not of Meghan, but our younger sister Naomi. As you can see this capacity for abandon runs in our family. I love it.)

A Day in the Life of...

2005-03-15T00:43:00.000-04:00

I wonder what it would be like to be God? Ron's got me thinking in this vain in my spare time... seriously, I'm just wondering: how does he like dealing with our lack of faith, our short-sightedness, our selfishness, our apathy, our laziness, cowardliness? Ok, so I'm reading Brennan Manning's book "Abba Child" and it's great. But apparently I'm having trouble with that non-judging thing. Why is it so hard to learn how to not judge ourselves? I've been having an on-going monologue with God (I'm talking) about how to celebrate my upcoming 25th birthday. I'm finding He had plans that I didn't take into consideration. So, when He did let me in on what He was thinking, my first reaction was "no way!" I had the whole night planned out. Of course, I hadn't really invited a ton of people yet, so I could change my plans... And, now two weeks later I'm looking ahead at the BIG DAY (March 19th) and thinking:
1) Ok, I know I won't be content doing MY THING if I know God had something else in mind...I'll be wondering what and why He'd planned THAT, but!
2) Why do I feel so disappointed with not being able to celebrate with friends the way I'd envisioned
3) What's the deal with how everytime I plan a social event...or at least write a plan in my calendar...God seems to arrange something else? Granted, it's good, but my flesh is not liking this not-being-in-control, trying-to-think-about-someone-else type of thing. It's not going so good. However, I do know from past experience that the God-thing will turn out better than I could have planned for anyways.

Hence, I'm up at 1am typing away (finally!) adding this blog entry...hoping I'll feel a little more at peace with the world and myself tomorrow.

Man, stretching those faith and freedom muscles sure is strenuous and painful!

I've been reading Manning's book and discovering I haven't lived in freedom for so long...how does one go about it? How does one reconcile God's call and freedom? After 24 years I've grown so accustomed to pleasing...somebody. What is my own voice? Who is this individual God is bringing to life? What's He got planned for her?

Just a few thoughts to end the evening with.

Cheers.
ck

The meaning of life!

2005-03-14T17:48:00.000-04:00

So, what's up folk's? I totally don't know what to write because my head is such a jumble. I'm having one of those weeks where everythings is confusing. I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I don't why I act the way I do, or treat people the way I do. Why I say such stupid things? And what the hell should I do with my life? Pardon the adverb. So, I'm so confused! Anyway, today I went for a long walk. That alway's helps. Nothing like taking the thing that bug's me most and and walking it out of my system. It didn't actually work. Because it was damp and wet outside, so I just got cold and uncomfortable and was more confused. I'll let you know when I resolve this. Or one of you can tell me the meaning of my life and solve the whole issue for me.

However, I'm just making bread. Cooking alway's makes me feel better. I wish I could just stay at home and cook everyday. I still think I would like a copout marriage to some rich guy so I won't have to worry about money or people. I highly doubt God is going to grant that wish.

Dinner in Abarba-ville

2005-03-14T00:24:00.000-04:00

After a conversation with Susana, and a realization that my last entry was very long, I have decided to attempt more manageable "blog-bytes". So here we go...

Tonight I went to the Abarbanel house for dinner. This is one of my most favourite parts about Sundays (or even the whole week). Ron and Marsha have 5 of the most wonderfully bouncy, eccentric, energetic, creative and diverse kids I've ever met. It is always a great adventure hanging out with them. And I love adventures.

For the past 3 weeks the whole Abarba-house has been sick with some kind of disease or other. It is not a wonder that I haven't been over for dinner in a month. Even though most of them are coming out the other side (Ron seems to be right in the thick of sick, but pulling through), the air in their house was thick with germs. I didn't bring my gas mask, so I had to hold my breath for the hour I was there. Likely because of their hurting immune systems they were a little less energetic than usual. Nice for Ron and Marsha, I'm sure.

Yesterday, however, was another story. As you can read about in their blog -- a must-visit site(http://abarbablog.blogspot.com), Susana and I brought 55 chocolate-chip cookies and a freshly baked loaf of bread over to their house yesterday afternoon. By morning, all but four of these cookies were eaten by 5 of the 7 in the house (Marsha and Katelyn (13) cannot eat milk products).

At dinner I reaped benefits from my hours of slaving over and tending to said bread. Matt (7) told me that he liked my bread. And that he wanted me to work in the kitchen of his restaurant. You see, Matt is the youngest (and most creative) entrepeneur I know, and over a year ago started forming "Deep Sea Chicken" and enlisting people to work in it. I was very honoured and flattered to be asked. And even though I was demoted to working sorting the money with Beah (no offense to Beah), I was still happy. I get to wear a Tilley hat to work. (http://deepseachicken.com/ and http://www.deepseachicken.blogspot.com/ check them out too.)

oops. this is still really long. i'll have to try harder next time.

I Succumb...

2005-03-10T22:39:00.000-04:00

Well, after such a PUBLIC repremanding, I suppose I must do something about it.

(It's not that I don't think about blogging -- I swear I do. It's the whole putting my thoughts into action that I have issues with. If you pay attention, you may find that this is an underlying theme of my entries to this blog.)

So the other day it was Monday. And for us kiddos on LeaderQuest (and for Ron too) this means that it is the Sabbath. (YAY!) Most Christians hold the Sabbath on Sunday (for Jews it's on Saturday), but one thing that we have learned is that the "day of rest" can (and even should) be individualized for each person. It a day resting, resting from work and from the nasty habits we've picked up from living in the production-oriented world that we live in (like worry, scheduling, the need to get things done). It is also a day of embracing God and the good things he wants us to have and be. I like to think of it as a chance to feel like a kid again. But I digress...

So it was Monday, and my Sabbath, and I decided to take the morning to hang out at the apartment of my two good friends Matt and Josh who have a gorgeous 11th floor view of Halifax and the harbour. It was going to be a good morning, and a good day -- I could feel it. I ended up spending most of the morning with Matt as he was home sick. He could barely talk, so it was nice and quiet. (I enjoy talking with Matt, but was enjoying company without needing to talk.) The day went on, I read, I soaked in the view of the sky and the ocean and the people all walking busily far below. I met Josh for lunch, met Christy on campus for a free-flowing dance date and it was good. Good even when I broke a window trying to get air flowing in the hot room we were dancing in. It was nice, I didn't even feel the need to worry about it.

Then I went to the university health clinic where I had agreed to meet Matt to help him talk to the doctor. As soon as the doctor had asked him a few short questions, heard him attempt to talk and taken a look in his mouth, she promptly informed us that he likely had mono, that she was sending him to the hospital, and that he would be there for at least one night. This was unexpected for both of us. I was glad that Matt wasn't alone.

And so were rushed to the ENT (ear, nose & throat) ward of the Victoria General hospital and after a short wait, more asking, listening and poking they hooked him up with some steroids through an IV, and we waited for a hospital room, and for Josh to join us. A singularly careless nurse (who did not seem to mind when Matt's wheelchair was wheeling dangerously far ahead of the IV pole) escorted us to his room. At first I was very unimpressed not only by the unfriendliness of the staff, and the dark, unwelcoming feel of the 4-bedded room. I guess you only realize how justified people's demands for better health care are when you experience it first(or second)-hand. Cuts to health care is a big issue I am now convinced. This whole time Matt seemed to be handling things very well. He couldn't really express much in words, but it seemed from the expression on his face that he was pretty positive about the whole thing especially considering the fact that he had never before been poked with an IV, nor had he ever spent the night in a hospital. I was impressed at his courage and attitude.

As I hung out with Matt -- played x's and o's, told stories about my weekend, read to him, and watched Star Wars with him on his laptop, I was really surprised and gladdened by the fact that it still seemed to feel like such a Sabbath. I wasn't reading my Bible, or deeply mediating on God, or singing God-songs, but I was resting. There wasn't anything that I was worried about getting done, there was nowhere I had to be, I could simply enjoy the company of the people in that hospital room. And it was nice to know that I was getting the privilege of helping someone in a really practical way -- surprising or not, it's not very often that students (or people in general for that matter) can let themselves be/seem helpless enough to allow others serve them. I left the hospital that night joyfully refreshed. I even danced in the elevator and in the hallway when no one was looking.

Jodi told me that I am starting to get what the Sabbath is all about. Something about flowing with the rhythm of the day. In any case, it was a good day.

2005-03-08T22:11:00.000-04:00

Zoe, Christy & Susana

Random

2005-03-08T18:26:00.000-04:00

So, I've noticed my teamates are not very faithful blogger's and although I feel guilty about reprimanding them publically, I have gotten enough comments from the Abarbanel gang that I feel a need to take action, so here goes:
Zoe, maybe you should take your blogging guilt seriously (except leave the fear of Jody out of it.)
Christy, I would reprimand you however I don't even know if you read the blog or my entry's, however on behalf of Katlyn and Dan I beseech you to blog.
There, I did it and I don't feel that guilty. And for all you people who were wondering if you should become my friends, take note, I will humilate you publically.

And now for something about me. It was raining today! Raining and gray! What is a person to do on a rainy gray day. Actaully, I got alot done. I spent all morning on the computer, after which, I hated that particular computer and I may have cursed at it and called it some names. But the important thing is that I got work done, not that my ralationship with computers got worse again. Maybe, one day, God will bless the earth by getting rid of computers and then we can all just go back to writting on paper, and talking to each other.

And last week, I read the book, All the Pretty Horse's. It was wonderful! Full of cowboy's, horses and Mexico. I highly recomend it. However, I forgot the authors name. It's a great movie too.

My attachment to places

2005-03-03T10:56:00.000-04:00

So it is definatly time for me to write again. I didn't last week because I was out of town. (I realize that this is the lamest excuse ever, since we live in a technogical world where you can access anything from anywhere.) However, my parents computer would not let me log on.

So, I was in Manitoba last week. It was nice. Manitoba has a distinct feeling of home to me which is why I love Manitoba. However, when I flew into Halifax, I was overwhelmed by how beautiful it was. It is so beautiful that it just make's you want to stay here. I generally get attached to places I spend considerable time in. This is begining to really get me in trouble. I love Manitaba, because it feels like home and I love my friends & family. I love Victoria & Vancouver because they are so beautiful and warm. I'm inclined to agree with a friend of mine who say's BC is Canada's promise land. And I generally resent all people living there because while it is -10 here it is +10 there. This is just unfair. And I love Nova Scotia because it is so laid back, so full of character and beautiful. Then there is Mexico and Texas. I love the desert. It's lovely and hot, it's wild and there is a distinct pleasure in living in a desert when I have spent my whole life in lush green places or in snowy wet places. So you see my heart is torn & attached to so many different places. And soon I must make a decision about what to do next year. This is extremly difficult as I want to be in all of these places. And each one of them is special and unique and would be wonderful. I don't know what I will do. But I still have some time before I have to decide. And then there are all the places in the world I have not yet gone. I resolved this year, not to travel anywhere new because then that would just be another place I would want to stay. However, in some secret corner of my heart is a distinct desire to go to Europe.

Anyway, there is a my love of places. I just thought you all should know about them.

Blogging guilt (already)

2005-03-02T00:01:00.000-04:00

Alright. So the other night I had a dream that Jodi called me. Jodi is the LQ staff who is the one who makes sure that we get our assignments done, and also makes sure that we're doing okay too. She's kind of like a boss, but not really. In my dream she was very angry. I was telling her about all the things I had done during reading week last week. She wasn't impressed that I had finished more than I had to for the LQ bible study on Acts, and she didn't even really didn't seem to care that I hadn't sent her any of the assignments she had asked for by the end of the week. Nope, all she cared about was: The Blog. No matter what I said, all she replied with was "But did you do any work on The Blog?", and "What I really care about is The Blog", and "The most important thing is The Blog." (Which is kind of funny because I wasn't even really aware that that she knew about this blog.)

And so here I find myself at 11:55 at night, writing to propitiate a dreamworld-created Jodi-monster and pacify the guilt it incited. (Sigh.) Unlike Susana, I hadn't promised myself that I would write in any particular increment. So much for avoiding guilt by not setting goals to not live up to.

I'd like to write more than this tonight. But let's remember that we shouldn't allow that dark and ugly thing we know as guilt to push us around.

"It was sin that made death so frightening and law-code guilt that gave sin its leverage, its destructive power. But now in a single victorious stroke of Life, all three--sin, guilt, death--are gone, the gift of our Master, Jesus Christ. Thank God!
With all this going for us, my dear, dear friends, stand your ground. And don't hold back. Throw yourselves into the work of the Master, confident that nothing you do for him is a waste of time or effort."

1 Corinthians 15:56-58 (The Message)

And so I take my leave, asking the pardon of the audience for the shortness of this entry. My work now is to sleep. And my hope is that by diligence and by grace I will be free from these ugly monsters that haunt me by night.

adieu, and buenos noches.

So I think I will be hooked on Survivor again

2005-02-18T14:07:00.000-04:00

I would be one of the first to say that Survivor is a silly show to get hooked on. In fact I use to make fun of my sister and mother for doing it, however, I have recently been conned into loving it. Actually I am just a less perfect person than I made myself out to be, and sometimes have lower ideals than I thought I did. But oh well, I don't have a problem with that. So last night a new season of Survivor started. At my house everybody watches it together (this is how I got into it). It was only an hour long show, and this was the first episode, but oh, did I start to have very strong opinions about those people. This just goes to show how well this show is produced. It's brilliant really how it brings out the truth in people. Nothing like starving people, giving them no personal space and playing with people's minds to bring out the worst thoughts in people. It should be a crime against humanity. However they voluntarly sign up and I find it entertaining. Anyway, if your interested in that kind of thing, watch survivor. However, it's more fun to watch as a group, so find some friends to watch it with.

So It's time for another blog

2005-02-15T10:09:00.000-04:00

It's been one week since my last blog. I was planning to write more but once again I managed to set a reasonable goal for myself. At least I'm not an overachiever! There is a bright side to everything.

So Zoe and Christy, my fellow LQer's have decided to join the blog. Yea! And if you want to read Zoe's previous entry, you have to highlight it as she decided to use black ink on a black background. She's a bright one, that Zoe.

So, Yesterday was Valentines Day! not my favorite day of the year. And it was a horrible day. Actually there were a few bright spots, but mostly it was a horrible day. I just wanted to run away and not deal. So it starts out as Valentine's day, a cheerful day for most. However, I was planning on having a regular monday, I was just going to ignore the fact that it was Valentine's day. But this is just not possible. Monday is a day off for us LQer's and I ussually make it my sabbeth, where I spend the day with God, and not with people. However, I had to go to SMU (St. Mary's University) for a little while, not a big deal and the rest of the day Zoe was going to come over. Also not a big deal as Zoe is like a sister, and her being around does not infringe on my Sabbeth. However, all these things would have made for a good monday anyway had it not been for the worst part of the day. The family that I live with have the most wonderful dog. He had been sick for a few day's, so Mary took him to the vet. He had a massive tumor and internal bleeding. He's 14 years old which is really old. And it was decided that he had to be put down. I know this was best for him but he was such a good dog and I loved him so much, and I did not want to go. And I did not want to be cheerful anymore. So that is what made my day horrible. The brights spots were, it was a beautiful sunny day and the ocean was so blue, and we had a lovely dinner with some lovely drinks. But still it was the worst Valentines day ever.

But such is life. And it's OK because he really was such a very good Dog! So sweet!

On a more cheerful note, I going to home to Manitba in four days, and I get to see some of my family. I 'm so excited!

enter Zoe...

2005-02-12T20:49:00.000-04:00

I think this is a fitting enough place for me to enter this blog. Especially seeing as Susana's last post was about me.

Yes, I was sick. It was the kind of sick that you really don't want to write about where all kinds of people who I don't know (and those I do) can read about it. So I won't.

I must admit, this is pretty much as intimidating an experience as Susana described to me. But I'm glad I don't have the pressure of being the very first one. Phew!

As this is the "LQ blog," I should probably take a brief moment in my first entry to speak my 2 cents about what an LQer is. Hmmm. When I ask myself the question, "What is a LeaderQuester?", my first answer is "A disciple." LeaderQuest is one other way for people to learn and grow in their relationship with God -- what I've come to see is one of the more important things we're put on this planet to do. My second answer is "A discipler." This one is a little harder. Let me explain. I have been told that the Great Commission (it sounds more official if it has capital letters) is to "go and make disciples of all nations" (Matt 28:19). To me that sounds all very well, and all very honourable. And I am quite happy imagining someone else (someone definitely more spiritual and knowlegable than I) doing great and wonderful discipling in all these nations, but now I am being challenged to apply that in my own nation, in fact my own city of Halifax. Maybe when I'm older I'll feel more ready to use such big verbs as "disciple" and "evangelize" without getting at least a little freaked out.

Anyway, I'm having a blast in this program. And as Susana said it was intended to do, I AM feeling like I'm developping my gifts, and discerning my future. But I can't help looking forward to the end when we graduate and get our caps and gowns; it will be so satisfying to unwrap and hold in our very own hands the gifts God has given us that we've been working so hard to develop, and don't forget the manilla envelopes telling us who we really are, with maps of our whole futures laid out in great detail.

tongues-in-cheeks tonight folks.

time for bed.

So I'm the worse Blogger ever

2005-02-08T17:15:00.000-04:00

Hi!

This idea of me blogging is a really high goal for me that I probably will not keep. But whatever, sometimes I aim high. So here goes another attempt. I really enjoy reading other peoples blogs so maybe there is a chance people would apreciate mine.

Anyway, nothing much interesting happened today. I woke up at 6:30 because I had to go to the bathroom, but on the way back to my room I decided that I wanted to sleep in today. My alarm was set for 7:40, so I turned it off (by the way, my alarm play's Oh Canada, I alway's feel like I love Canada in the morning) and went back to sleep. However at 7:25 my phone rang, and it was Zoe and she was sick and she asked me to go to a pharmacy for her. Strangly this did not make me upset to be woken up again, I'm ussually upset in the morning. I was glad I was not upset because it proved to me that at least in a time of need, I can freely give to people. Now I just need to learn how to do it, not out of need. So I went downstairs, drank a cup of coffee in 5 min. and put on my dressy coat (so that I would not look like a slob) and went off to the grocery store. I was a beautiful sunny morning (+2) and peoply were walking everywhere drinking coffee and chatting. I never leave the house that early so I am not familiar with the before 8am crowd. I really enjoyed them and decided that I might like a morning type job someday. The pharmacy in the grocery store did not open until nine so I had a moment of panick. My brain loses some of it's common senseness in the morning, but then I realized that there is a Shopper's Drugmart next door to the grocery store. So I went there, went back to Zoe's and all was OK. Except that she felt like total crap. But I was fine.

The rest of my day was great. It continued to be a beautiful day and I had two great Bible Studies and was just really amazed (again) by God's love of people.

What is an LQer?

2005-01-15T17:57:00.000-04:00

It' s hard to say! I'm not really sure. But the LQer's are on a one year journey in Leadership development. It is designed to help us develope our gifts and then help us decern what to do with our lives. It's awesome to take a year to develope your relationship with God and make a plan with him. Anyway, thats what we are doing and hopefully this will help you follow our journey!

The LQgirls make another attempt at a blog!

2005-01-15T17:31:00.000-04:00

So it's saturday and it is suppose to be my day off. However I had a hundred million things to do so I decided that I would work today. So I sat down at the computer to work and decided to check out what is going on in the Abarbablog. Dan's comment was to funny that I felt I had to respond and in order to comment I had to set up a blog so I did. And here I am ignoring my work and setting up a blog. Oh well, It is my day off!